Name Game

I don’t really have anything to talk about today – which is weird.  I always have SOMETHING on my mind.  Ok, I’m lying – I do have things on my mind, but they aren’t blog worthy.  Like baby names – I love the name game.  I love hearing what other people are naming their kids.  People have such different tastes.  If I’m being completely honest, I usually don’t love the names others choose – Ha!  But that’s totally fine because I’m sure they don’t like my favorites. 
 

I was reading the top 100 boys names list to A a couple weeks ago.  It was really funny to hear his reaction to some of the names.  According to him, the names I like are “stupid” and I think the names he likes are really boring.  It was incredibly hard for me to commit to W’s name.  I liked it, but I wasn’t convinced it was THE name.  The name he’d have for his entire life, his identity.  And I wouldn’t completely agree to it until I saw him.  What if he just didn’t look like a W?  Now, I wouldn’t change his name for anything.  It’s perfect.  And I know I haven’t disclosed it on here so it’s not really fair to keep talking about it, but I will say he does have a traditional first name and an Irish middle name – a pattern I hope to repeat if we have any more children.

On a completely different note, W had a great night last night.  You can barely see where he bumped his head and he slept through the night.  Hallelujah (I totally had to Google how to spell hallelujah)!

A Rough Start

Today has been awesome.  And I mean that in the most sarcastic way.

Today has started out horrendously.  But that means it can only get better, right?

The horrendousness (is that a word?) actually started yesterday afternoon.  A and I were home again because of the cold weather.  I was working on my laptop when I heard a loud noise.  W had tripped over a balloon and fell face first into the corner of our bookshelf.  The sound of it was horrible and I can only imagine how much it hurt.  W had a bruise and a bump on his forehead and a bloody lip, but I was surprised that he didn’t cry very much all things considered.  The lip stopped bleeding relatively quickly and he barely had a bump on his head by evening.

Just before bed, A mentioned that W seemed more unsteady than usual, which made me nervous.  But then again he’s one and started walking fairly recently – I wouldn’t call him stable.  W also gets wobbly when he’s tired.  He went to bed at his usual time – around 8pm.  I put some Motrin in his final bottle in case he had a headache or any lingering pain from the fall.  W was up again at 9:30pm.  Then again at 11:30pm.  Then again at 12:45am.  At this point, A and I brought him into our bed and he slept for a couple hours.  Around 4am, A placed W back in his crib and we hoped to get a bit more sleep before having to get up for the day.  W, however, had other plans.  He was up at 5am and wouldn’t go back to sleep.

I’m not sure if he was in pain, just having trouble staying asleep, teething again, or all of the above?  I felt awful for him (and for me).  And now I’m wondering if I should have called the doctor or should have taken him in to the pediatrician this morning?  My instinct told me he was ok, but now I’m second guessing myself. L

Then I had a 7am conference call this morning.  I decided to call in from home.  In order to make it to work by 7, I’d have to leave the house by 6:15 and that just wasn’t happening.  So I called in a little before 7.  By 7:10, the meeting hadn’t started so I texted my coworker.  Turns out the meeting had been rescheduled and I hadn’t received notification.  Perfect.

When I finally got to work, I had an email from a partner company.  They basically had no idea what I was requesting even though I explained very clearly.  I know that’s vague, but getting information from these people is like pulling teeth.  I thought we were on the same page with my recent request… wrong.  It was just one more frustrating thing to add to the list.

But then, the day started to improve….  Remember when I mentioned that W’s 12 month photo session was a disaster?  Well, somehow the photographer managed to capture some perfect photos of my sweet little man.  I’m so in love with them – she did an amazing job.  Here’s hoping the day continues to improve. 

A few of my favorite photos:

 

 

Brrr

The Polar Vortex has officially returned!

I'm secretly enjoying it.  Thanks to PV round 2, school has been cancelled for A and I've been told to work from home again.  That means more time with my sweet toddler, staying in our pajamas all day, sleeping in a little longer, cuddling with my favorite pupper, family lunches, and working while sitting in bed.  It's bliss.

The only bad thing is we're all stuck inside.  But after all the busy days we've had recently, I'll take it!  I'm grateful for extra cozy time with my loves.

Stay warm and be safe!

W's Birthday Party in Photos

Assorted cupcakes, music note shaped cookies, and music note crayon party favors.

 

 

All food items had a musical name.

 

 

Tables were decorated with music note confetti, balloons, and miniature musical instruments.

 

 

A's parents were kind enough to let us borrow their house for the party.  Ours is just too small.

 

 

We asked guests to select a song that either reminded them of W, represented a wish for him, or was popular during his first year.  The selections were fantastic.

 

 

 

Birthday boy did NOT like his musical cake.

 

 

Monthly banner and board containing W's stats and favorites (I'm proud of that board!).

 

 

Presents from mom and dad - Anywhere chair and school bus

 

 

I'm so happy with how the party turned out.  It was exactly what I wanted. :)

 

 

 

Balance

Being a mom is the hardest thing I’ve done.  It’s also the best.

I constantly constantly struggle with the work life balance.  Constantly.  It weighs on me.  I always wonder if I’m spending enough time with W and if I’m putting enough hours in at work (or too many hours).  My job requires me to travel occasionally.  I enjoy it, but I also feel a tremendous amount of guilt.  Guilt because it means less time with W.  Guilt because it requires A to take on all parenting responsibilities while I’m gone.  Guilt because it often requires our moms to rearrange their schedules in order to care for W.  Guilt.  Guilt.  Guilt.

And then I think about doing IVF again.  It’s such a weird situation.  Planning your potential child.  Planning his/her birth date.  Planning injections and monitoring appointments around work trips and events.  And again I wonder – Am I too involved in work?  Should I really be planning my potential future child around my work schedule?  But then again, if IVF isn’t successful, won’t it be just a little less painful if I didn’t put my entire life on hold?  I don’t know.  <And I definitely realize planning and reality are entirely different.  Life has a way of laughing in the face of our carefully planned agendas.>

Sometimes I feel unstoppable – like I have it all.  And other times I feel like I’m failing - at parenting and as a professional.  Luckily, I feel successful and accomplished more often than not.  But even in those times, I still wonder – am I doing this right?  Is this the best I can do?  Am I the best mom and colleague I can be?

Hopefully all this thought, worrying, obsessing means I’m a great mom (and a great colleague).  W seems happy.  Really happy.  So that’s got to count for something, right?

I hope, when W’s old enough to understand, that he’ll be proud of me.  Proud that I worked hard, pursued opportunities, found success, and ultimately found fulfillment in my career.  After all, those are the same things I hope for him.  And I hope he never ever feels like I spent too much time working and not enough time with him.  I think it’s possible to have both a fantastic family life and a wonderful career.  I hope he agrees.

Another friendship post (you've been warned...)

So what do you do when your friends are friends with your enemy?  Confused?  Me too. 

This is going to be a bit cryptic, but I thought I could just ignore the people who said mean things about me.  I knew we had mutual friends, but I thought I could dodge those very rare events we both happened to be invited to.  I thought I would just ignore the fact that mutual friends were still speaking to and making plans with the ex-friends.  And it turns out I can’t.

Most of all, I’m just confused.  Obviously, I can’t tell people who they should or shouldn’t be friends with.  It’s not my decision to make and that would be beyond immature.  And I’ve been in that position – where people have told me not to spend time with a specific person, not to be friends with so-and-so.  And you know what?  It only made me want to be friends with the person I wasn’t supposed to be friends with.  But I digress.  It hurts my feelings that mutual friends are still friends with the “meanies”.  And I’m not sure how to handle it.  It really hurts my feelings that all those mean comments were ignored and everyone just went on with life.  Like it was totally fine for all those mean things to be said.  And it wasn’t.

Maybe I’m being too sensitive?  Maybe I’m being self-centered (again)? 

But I’ve been on the other side.  I’ve witnessed one friend treating another badly.  And you know what?  I stopped talking to the person who treated the one friend badly.  Because I knew it was wrong and undeserved.  I don’t expect people to stop talking to the “meanies”, but I guess I expected SOMETHING.  Acknowledgement? Reaction?

Do I just separate myself from the entire group?  Or maybe I avoid these friends on FB since that’s where I see comments and plans being made?  (Seriously, I think FB often does more harm than good).  Or do I just get over it and move on already?  Uggh.

13 Months of Baby (or should I say toddler??) W

W turned 13 months yesterday.  Didn’t he JUST turn 1?!?!  He’s been SO much fun lately and I’m amazed at how much he understands.  He’s added a couple more words to his vocabulary.  He now says up (bup) when he wants to be picked up.  He has also started saying up while he’s crawling up the stairs, which amazes me.  He seems to understand that up is a direction and not just what you say when you want to be held.  He’s started saying da a lot more to A.  If you ask him what a cat says, he’ll make the cutest meow sound.  When I say yuck, he sticks out his tongue and makes the raspberry noise.  He does the same when he walks passed the garbage can.  Occasionally, he’ll say baa for sheep and neigh for horse, but often says moo instead.  I think he recognizes that they are animals, but doesn’t always get the noise right. J  The other day I asked him where his socks were and he looked at his feet.  May have been a coincidence, but I doubt it.  At church, I asked him where the lights were and he pointed up at the lights.  Again, may have been coincidental, but I doubt it.  He seems to have made up his own song.  It goes like this:  Ma Ma Uhh  Ma Ma Uhh.  It even has a tune and we’ve caught him “singing” it quite a few times.  I think he understands what more means.  When I ask if he wants more, he’ll shake his head no, which actually means yes. J  (I tried to introduce sign language months ago, but admittedly I have not been consistent at all.  I’m definitely going to work on this so he can sign “more”).  He also has a toy treasure chest with coins.  The chest has a slot (similar to a piggy bank) and he’s able to push the coins through the slot.  He's always had excellent hand/eye coordination and his fine motor skills are very impressive (to me).  A is preparing for W's future career as a pitcher (or maybe a 3^rd baseman since it appears that he’s right handed), while I'm extremely excited for tennis lessons.

W is constantly making us laugh and he brings us so much joy.  He’s made a lot of progress lately with eating table foods.  We’ve also introduced cow’s milk and have begun weaning off formula.

 

I'm excited for the months ahead, but also sad at how fast life is passing by (as always).

 

On a completely unrelated note, apparently polar vortex part 2 is coming (or is it already here?) and I am so over winter.  I usually don’t mind the cold and I think snow is beautiful, but this winter has been brutal.  So cold and so much snow.  The worst I can remember and it’s only January.  Eek!

First Birthday Party

I knew I wanted W’s first birthday party to be extra special.  We’d gone through a lot to have him and we’re just so grateful that he’s here and perfect.  I wanted his birthday party to be a fabulous celebration of his first year of life.

It was really difficult to decide on a theme.  I bounced some ideas off of A… music?  The Cat in the Hat?  Cars/things that go?  Nothing really stood out to me.  A liked the idea of doing a music theme, but that seemed difficult to me and I was uncertain.  Music did seem to make the most sense.  When I was pregnant, I’d listen to music every day during my drive to work and W would dance in my tummy.  When I got nervous because I hadn’t felt him move in a little while, I’d turn on music and he’d begin to move.  When W was a newborn, music would calm him down and help him sleep.  There was even a line from a song on his birth announcement.  Nowadays, if W is particularly cranky or upset, we’ll turn on some music and it soothes him.  And so it was decided – we’d go with a music theme for his party.

I also wanted his party to be colorful.  We could’ve gone with black and white – as in sheet music, pianos, etc., but that didn’t represent W in my mind.  He’s too bright and cheery for black and white.

I haven’t uploaded pictures yet and I think those will illustrate the party best, but here is a preview: invites resembled records, we asked guests to choose a song for W and created his own playlist (this turned out great – the songs were completely different, but represented W in some way), colorful table cloths, napkins, plates, etc., music note confetti, a birthday board with W’s stats, milestones, and likes, a music note cake, lots of assorted cupcakes, a birthday banner with monthly pictures, colorful balloons, and lots of food that we named after musical terms.  It all came together perfectly.

A’s parents let us borrow their house (so thankful) and we had about 25 family and friends over to celebrate.  We served appetizers, yummy pasta, and salad.  W was great and I think (hope) he enjoyed seeing all the décor.  He wanted nothing to do with his cake (not surprised since the same thing happened on his actual birthday).  He got lots of cute gifts and he enjoyed visiting with everyone.

I feel like I’m leaving a lot out, but I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect day to celebrate my sweet boy.  It was exactly what I wanted and hoped for.

Some Days I Fail as a Mom

Did the weekend really go by THAT fast?!?  W’s birthday party was Saturday and it was perfection.  As in it could not have gone any better.  It was exactly what I hoped it would be… and more.  It was the perfect celebration of my perfect little man.  And I will write about it.  But at the moment, something else is on my mind.

As I’ve mentioned far too many times, W’s actual birthday is really close to Christmas – 12/20.  I had planned on having 1 year photos taken of him, but with all the holiday busyness and birthday party planning, I kinda pushed scheduling his photos to the end of my <never ending> to do list.  When I contacted the photographer a week ago, she only had 3 dates available in January.  And only one of those dates worked for us.  That date happened to be yesterday.  The day after W’s birthday party.

I knew the shoot would be challenging because W doesn’t sit still <or stand still> for more than 0.35 seconds.  The shoot being the day after his party was just asking for trouble.  But it was the only date available so I went with it.  Well, W was scared of the photographer.  No matter what noises she made or how many times she tried to talk to him and soothe him, he was just not having it.  He wanted his mom.  I’d sit him down and he’d immediately reach for me or crawl to me.  Even holding his hand or sitting him on my leg wasn’t working.  He just wanted mom to hold him.  I should’ve prefaced this my mentioning that I hardly slept the night before.  W woke up a couple times, we ended up bringing him into our bed so he would calm down and fall back asleep, and then the dog wanted to sleep on me – because clearly a doggy bed and a doggy cot and several soft chairs and couches are not enough.  SO anyway, after I tried to sit W down and tie his stupid birthday hat on his head for what felt like the 1,295,204,607^th time, I was so so frustrated.  And exhausted.  Picking up 25 pounds every couple seconds totally wears a person out!  I was disappointed, annoyed, and irritated.  We hadn’t gotten the pictures I was hoping for and I felt like I was doing all the work (which I wasn’t, but in the midst of the chaos, that’s how I felt).  I just wanted to cry.

And then I got home, sat down for a bit, had some lunch, took a shower (I do my best thinking in the shower) and realized I was being an idiot.  Instead of being frustrated with the photo session, I should’ve been grateful.  W reaching out for me and needing to be near me only meant that he loves me and feels safe with me.  He just needed to know that his mom was there for him.  That his mom would protect him.  And instead of being so focused on capturing the perfect picture, I should’ve been focused on him.  Besides, staged photos are cute and all, but the real life photos the photographer was able to capture will definitely be more representative of my sweet little man.

So here’s to appreciating the sweet moments hidden in the chaos. J

And also, because the session was such a disaster, the photographer gave me a discount… so there’s that.  Maybe W was just trying to be frugal. ;)

Christmas 2013

Greetings from the arctic!  It’s been insanely cold.  The wind chill has been in the -40 range.  Apparently that’s cold enough to make boiling water instantly turn into to snow, cause frostbite in about 10 minutes, and turn your eyelashes into icicles.  School was canceled for 2 days and I was told to work from home.  It was definitely nice to work in my pjs and have extra time with my guys, but I think we’re all a bit stir crazy.  This morning as I headed to work, my car said it was -11.  So it’s still extremely cold, but not as windy.  Having extra time at home meant we actually had some time to organize and clean up the house a bit.  Gosh, did the house need it!  We packed up the ornaments and the tree yesterday.  It made me sad.  That final piece of holiday bliss is gone.  No more twinkly lights. L  But it reminded me that I still hadn’t written my holiday recap on the old blog.  So here it is…

 

Christmas Eve was spent with my side of the family.  We went over to my aunt and uncle’s house, which is only about 10 minutes from us.  Another aunt and uncle were in town from Florida and it was the first time they met W.  I was a little nervous about how W would hold up.  He hadn’t taken a second nap that day.  But he was awesome.  He even took a nap on the couch while everyone talked and laughed around him.  We had a great time.  Ham and delicious sides were served.  One thing that I really love about my family is they keep my laughing.  And there was no shortage of laughter that night.  Between the Christmas trivia game, my cousin thinking there was a reindeer named Dixon, and finding the pickle, I laughed all night.

 

 

Christmas morning, we went to mass.  I was a little disappointed – there were very few people at mass on Christmas.  Our church friends must have gone to Christmas Eve mass.  Even the usual choir was different.  Oh well.

 

 After mass, my mom came over for breakfast.  Breakfast casserole and pancakes were served.  Very yummy.  I think we need to make Christmas breakfast at our house a new tradition.  I really enjoyed it.  We also opened gifts and watched W check out his toys.  He enjoyed ripping up the wrapping paper, but had no idea what was going on.

W eventually went down for a nap and we got ready to head over to A’s parents’ house.  We picked up my brother from the train station on the way there.  My mom, brothers-in-law, sister-in-law, and niece and nephew were also there.  Another delicious meal was had – turkey, beef, and yummy sides and lots more presents were opened.  It snowed much of the day and it was just beautiful.  Like something out of a story book.

 

All in all, it was a perfect Christmas.  I’m already looking forward to next year.  Christmas with a little one is just so much fun.  Every year, I promise myself I’m going to finish everything (shopping, baking, wrapping, cards, etc) early and it never ever happens.  I’m sure the next Christmas will be no exception. J

12 months of Baby W

Just trying to stay warm today!  It's currently -15 with a wind chill of -39.  Crazy cold!!  On the bright side, my office is closed and A's school is closed due to the frigid weather.  An extra day at home!  Woohoo!

I've been posting W's monthly updates on FB and usually post them here as well.  So, without further ado, the 1 year post:

Happy first birthday! For nine months, I prepared for you. I researched baby products. I decorated your room. I watched my tummy get bigger and I felt you move. But somehow, despite all those preparations, despite seeing you in ultrasound pictures, having a baby just didn’t seem REAL. Then, at 8:31 am on December 20, 2012, I met you. And my life changed forever. You were a reality. You made me a mom. And you were better than perfect.

I’ve so enjoyed watching you grow. I’ve enjoyed every milestone, every accomplishment, and I’ve even enjoyed the challenges. Because those challenges mean I get to be a mom. And even better, I get to be YOUR mom. And I’m so grateful for that honor.

I hope you have the happiest of birthdays and I hope you know how much you’re loved.

 

 

In the past month we celebrated Thanksgiving. You refused to eat turkey, but enjoyed the Jello. We also celebrated St. Nicholas Day. You must’ve been a good boy because St. Nicholas left some goodies in (and near) your shoe. You've taken several steps by yourself and I suspect you’ll be running through the house soon. We’re still having trouble getting you to eat table food. I am convinced that you are just stubborn. You like the taste of things, but why eat when you can throw food on the floor or feed Addie? Your favorite foods as of late are bagels and cheerios (you still love chicken). You also like yogurt and Jello. One of my most favorite things you do is “share”. You hand things over to me quite often or you just reach out your hand to me. You also hug stuffed animals and even Grandma G’s cat - Meiko (and Meiko loves you so he LETS you hug him). It’s apparent that you have a very big heart and a love for animals like your mom. You can climb up the stairs. You say mama, dada (though you don’t say dada, you yell it), moo, amen, neigh (sometimes), and ho ho ho. And I think you try to say Addie – not sure? You hate diaper changes and hearing the word “no”. You just got your 6th tooth. I cannot believe you are one. We had an incredible year together. It was SO much better than I imagined. Looking forward to the year ahead. You are our everything and more, little man. And even though we’re entering toddlerhood, you’ll always be my baby.

Happy First Birthday!!

Friday, 12/20 was W’s first birthday!  I’m a little sad that my baby is growing up so fast.  I think back to the early days when we weren’t getting much sleep.  I distinctly remember one night when I got up to nurse W.  A would often join me as I nursed.  He’d help with diaper changes, play Family Feud on the IPad to entertain me, and offer moral support while I was trying to get the hang of nursing.  This particular night, sleep deprivation got the best of A.  He started talking to himself and then nearly fell over.  J  Thinking about that night still makes me smile.  I miss those days when W was teeny tiny and I could hold and snuggle him all day.  But then again, I do enjoy sleeping.  I’m proud at how well A and I adjusted to parenthood and I’m excited to watch W continue to grow and learn.

 

We’ll have a birthday party in January for extended family.  I thought it was just too much to plan a birthday party so close to Christmas.  But we wanted to make W’s day special nonetheless.  So A and I decided to invite my mom and A’s parents over for pizza and cupcakes.  It was a perfect little celebration.  W wasn’t interested in his cake, but he enjoyed his presents.

 

I had taken the day off work so W and I could spend his birthday together.  Earlier in the day, I decided to take W to the Early Learning Center at the local library.  We had a blast exploring the different areas.  There was a car section, a train section, a padded play area, a coloring station, and tons of books.  So much fun!  W really enjoyed it and I can’t wait to go back!

 

 

 
Surprisingly, I didn’t get emotional… until it was bed time.  A true feat.  If you know me, you know how sentimental I am.  As I tucked W in for the night, I told him I was so thankful for him and didn’t know how the year could be topped.  That’s when I got teary.  I love my 1 year old.