I’m feeling very blah today so this post is going to be
exactly that. It’s also going to be long
because I’ve been doing lots of thinking, lots of soul searching. Here goes my mind dump...
This weekend wasn’t great.
It started Wednesday night. A had
been fighting a cold and when I went to bed Wednesday night I realized I was
also getting sick. When W woke up Thursday
morning he had a runny nose and was just unhappy. I got ready for work and W and I headed over
to Grandma W’s house as we do every Thursday morning. W was a little fussy during our ride there,
but nothing major or out of the ordinary.
We arrived and I went to get him out of his car seat. That’s when I smelled it… At first I thought
he needed a diaper change. I wish that
was the case. W had puked all over
himself, the car seat, and my car. He
looked miserable. I debated going to
work. My instincts told me he had a cold
and the puke was the result of a combination of milk/mucous/car. I decided to head to work and Grandma W told
me she’d text if W seemed to get any worse.
There were no more puke incidents, but W didn’t eat much and wanted to
be held all day. He wasn’t himself. I left work early and picked him up. He perked up a little when we got home, but
still wasn’t feeling well.
Friday was a little better.
W and I were both at the peak of our colds, but W had a little more energy. A and I had agreed not to exchange gifts for
Valentine’s Day, but my wonderful hubby still came home with truffles, gourmet
taffy apples, and even special dog treats for Addie. I love him! J
Then it was Friday night.
W went to bed around 8pm per usual.
He woke up at 9:30 and pretty much cried until he finally fell asleep at
midnight. In that time he had 2 nearly
full bottles, which never happens. Maybe
he was hungry since he didn’t eat much all day.
Maybe his ears/sinuses were bothering him. Maybe he wanted to be near mom and dad
because he just didn’t feel well. Maybe
all of the above. Anyway, he was up
again at 5am. Thank God for A because he
got up with W so I could sleep a little longer.
Battling the cold and little sleep had left me exhausted and I incoherently
mumbled to A that I just couldn’t get up.
I thought for sure we’d need to take W to the pediatrician. But somehow, despite the cold and very little
sleep, he seemed fine. It was
weird. He ended up taking a 3.5 hour nap
and seemed much better.
We then went to our friends’ baby shower. Their identical twin girls are due in March
and it was so cute to see how excited their families were. There was so much food and so many presents
wrapped in girly paper. J
But then I saw my former IVF friend. I knew there was a good possibility she’d be
there. And as excited as I was for my
friends who will be welcoming their twin babies soon, it also made me really
sad to see this former friend. It was a
reminder of friendships that have dissolved, of hurtful things that have been
said, of disappointment, sadness, frustration.
As if that weren’t bad enough, the wife of the guy who posted nasty
things about me showed up and sat with my former IVF friend. Apparently they’re good friends now. Perfect.
So let’s start from the beginning…
My friend was the first to go through IVF. She got pregnant on the first round, but
complications arose and she was on bed rest early on in the pregnancy. During that time, I tried to be supportive
and optimistic for her. I sent cards,
visited her, brought her cupcakes. It
looked as though things might improve and I joked that cupcakes were the cure
for everything. Sadly, she ended up
losing the baby and my heart ached for her.
We remained friends. We shopped
together, I dog sat while she visited family during Thanksgiving, and gave her
a card on what would’ve been her due date.
She went through another round of IVF and I started my first
round. It was great to have a friend who
could relate. We shared stories, emailed
daily, vented, etc. She even recommended
our first RE and answered the countless questions I had. We became close friends (or at least I
thought we were) and we commiserated on our failed rounds of IVF. I got pregnant on the second round of IVF and
she was the first one to know (besides A).
But unfortunately she didn’t have the same results. She suffered several miscarriages and
unsuccessful transfers.
I felt awful for her and tried to be a good great friend. I didn’t talk about my pregnancy at all
because I knew she was having a difficult time.
When I was about 17 weeks along, I announced my pregnancy on Facebook
(stupid Facebook). I warned my friend ahead
of time.
A couple weeks later we were emailing and she told me she
had hidden me as a FB friend. Up until
that point, I had been very careful about pregnancy posts trying to be mindful
of her situation. It was a weird
position to be in. I was so so excited,
but at the same time, I knew she was hurting.
When I found out I was hidden, it made me really sad. I guess I just had a different point of
view. After our failed IVF, I searched
for positive (pun intended) IVF stories.
I wanted to read about the successes other couples had because it made
me hopeful and more optimistic about our chances. I read every successful story I could get my
hands on. But I understand that she didn’t
feel the same way and I understand that seeing pregnancy related posts was
difficult.
We occasionally emailed, but things were different. In the emails, I never talked about my
pregnancy. I felt like I couldn’t say
anything and I didn’t want to make her sad.
But at the same time, it was disappointing not to be able to share/talk
about this very significant life changing event.
The emails nearly stopped and she didn’t come to my baby
shower (I didn’t expect her to). I
thought our friendship might be over at this point.
I had my sweet baby W and much to my surprise, she visited
us in the hospital. I have no idea how
she knew W had arrived since I was hidden on FB. But it was a very kind, very unexpected
gesture. And I know it was hard for her
to be there.
After W was born, we exchanged a couple emails, but I never
mentioned W. Again, it was hard and a
little strange not to talk about the most important person in my life (next to
A of course), but I was trying to be very sensitive to her situation.
Fast forward a bit… During the summer she emailed me and
told me she was 3 months pregnant. I was
thrilled for her. I had been hoping and
praying for her for the past 2 years.
She had been through so much heartache and good news was long overdue.
I also hoped that we could be great friends again, that I’d
be able to talk about W in emails, that we could be FB friends again (stupid,
but I always enjoy seeing pictures and hearing what other people are up to). I really hoped things would go back to
normal. I missed my friend.
I soon realized this wasn’t going to happen. It seemed like the only time I ever heard
from her was when I sent her an email first.
It was really disappointing and I felt like I was the only one making an
effort.
In the meantime, other mutual friends announced pregnancies. Some on FB.
And there she was wishing them congrats.
She also had no problem spending time with mutual friends who were
pregnant. None of these people had to be
hidden. That really hurt. It seemed like she was happy for everyone
else – just not me. And since I hadn’t heard
from her at all, I can only assume I was still hidden from her feed. And by the way, what’s the sense in hiding
someone? You might as well just unfriend
them if you have no desire to keep in contact/know what’s going on in their
life.
And then the infamous FB post happened. The one in which Nick the Dick (yes – I’m
using his name because he’ll never read this and the nickname is just too funny
not to use) said a bunch of nasty things about me. And no one in our group of friends said
anything to me including my IVF friend. How can you just say nothing when one of your
friends is verbally attacked? Answer: You
can’t. If someone says nasty things
about a friend, you ask if they’re ok.
You tell them none of those things are true. You discuss the situation. You offer support. You definitely don’t look the other way and
pretend like nothing happened. And that’s
when I realized none of these people were my friends. That realization still stings. I thought I was over it until Saturday.
Seeing Nick the Dick’s wife sitting with IVF friend made me
sick. They both ignored me and I don’t understand
why they’re acting like I’m the one who did something wrong? If I did, then someone should fill me
in. And even if I did, it’s still not ok
to say/post nasty things about someone.
To be fair, I didn’t say anything to them either, but I think I’m the
one who is owed an apology.
I feel like those who go through IVF/infertility need to support
one another and somehow infertility seems to have made more enemies for me. I.just.don’t.get.it.
So there’s that situation.
And then there’s the weather. I’m
working from home again because we’re supposed to get another 10 inches of snow
on top of what we’ve already got. And
then it’s all going to melt into one massive flood later in the week. Fun.
And then there’s the fact that all these friends and former
friends are having babies at the same time and I’m feeling really left
out. I know that’s stupid. Really stupid. But I’ve already been replaced by Nick the
Dick’s wife. She’s hanging out with all
the girls that used to be my friends –some of my best friends. It’s bad enough that I still see them
conversing on FB even though I’ve deleted most of them. So this is another instance where I’m feeling
like I don’t belong. And I already see
them making future plans for their babies who will all grow up together. Blech.
People go through the so called mid-life crisis and
sometimes I feel like I’m going through a friend crisis. I almost wish I could just start over with a completely
new group of friends. In some ways I
have. I’ve reconnected with friends I hadn’t
talked to in a long time. One of which I
learned also went through IVF. Another
from high school. Hopefully this pattern
continues because I definitely need friends who lift me up instead of bringing
me down.
I was venting to a sweet friend over the weekend and she
told me this: There are friends for a reason, a season, and for life. I’m thinking this group was seasonal and it’s
just time to move on. Time for a change
in seasons.
See I told you that was going to be long. Holy moly.
As you can tell, I’m throwing myself a giant pity party – for having a
cold, for losing friends, for feeling left out.
I’ll be over it soon and back to my happy ways. I already feel better for getting all that
off my chest. And spring will arrive
eventually, right? A new season is on
the horizon…
