Does the Work/Life Balance Really Exist??

I continually struggle with the work/life balance.  That should be obvious since I’ve mentioned it 4972 times on the blog and I’m certain I’ll never feel like I’ve achieved that balance.  I continually wonder if I’m spending enough time with W.  When I arrive home from work, little man is stuck to me like glue.  He wants to be picked up constantly.  I make an effort to give him my full undivided attention between the time I arrive home and the time he goes to bed.  Very limited cell phone time, no tv for me (except on that rare occasion when the Bears are playing in prime time, but even then, I watch very little of the game).  I focus on W and what he wants to do – which is usually reading books, playing with trucks, and playing with puzzles – or last night, jumping off chairs!?! (I did put a stop to that one).  But lately I’ve been wondering, is he clinging to me because he doesn’t spend enough time with me or are these just typical toddler antics?  The former is heartbreaking so I really hope it’s the latter.  I’ve thought about how I could change my work schedule and what I could do differently and I have no good answer.  Moving to part time might be possible but I’m not sure work would be on board and I don’t think our finances could handle it.  Maybe I could work from home 1 day per week – that would save me an hour and a half of driving, but again, not sure if work would be on board.  Maybe the pregnancy hormones are just making me feel extra guilty and burdened lately.  I know we’re very very lucky in that our moms watch W during the week.  Little man is always cared for by family and he is oh so loved.  And in my heart, I know he knows that… so perhaps that’s enough and I should stop worrying…

On a MUCH lighter note, I had two people approach me today and say “What?!?  You’re pregnant?!?!”  It was really funny.  This rather large bump surely didn’t happen overnight.  Happy Friday!! J

Balance

Being a mom is the hardest thing I’ve done.  It’s also the best.

I constantly constantly struggle with the work life balance.  Constantly.  It weighs on me.  I always wonder if I’m spending enough time with W and if I’m putting enough hours in at work (or too many hours).  My job requires me to travel occasionally.  I enjoy it, but I also feel a tremendous amount of guilt.  Guilt because it means less time with W.  Guilt because it requires A to take on all parenting responsibilities while I’m gone.  Guilt because it often requires our moms to rearrange their schedules in order to care for W.  Guilt.  Guilt.  Guilt.

And then I think about doing IVF again.  It’s such a weird situation.  Planning your potential child.  Planning his/her birth date.  Planning injections and monitoring appointments around work trips and events.  And again I wonder – Am I too involved in work?  Should I really be planning my potential future child around my work schedule?  But then again, if IVF isn’t successful, won’t it be just a little less painful if I didn’t put my entire life on hold?  I don’t know.  <And I definitely realize planning and reality are entirely different.  Life has a way of laughing in the face of our carefully planned agendas.>

Sometimes I feel unstoppable – like I have it all.  And other times I feel like I’m failing - at parenting and as a professional.  Luckily, I feel successful and accomplished more often than not.  But even in those times, I still wonder – am I doing this right?  Is this the best I can do?  Am I the best mom and colleague I can be?

Hopefully all this thought, worrying, obsessing means I’m a great mom (and a great colleague).  W seems happy.  Really happy.  So that’s got to count for something, right?

I hope, when W’s old enough to understand, that he’ll be proud of me.  Proud that I worked hard, pursued opportunities, found success, and ultimately found fulfillment in my career.  After all, those are the same things I hope for him.  And I hope he never ever feels like I spent too much time working and not enough time with him.  I think it’s possible to have both a fantastic family life and a wonderful career.  I hope he agrees.

Community Service Day

I'm skipping Friday Favorites tomorrow because I'll be working at Habitat for Humanity.  My company is having a community service day.  How awesome is that?!?  A company that actually recognizes the importance of giving back.  Love my job.  And I think this world would be incredibly brighter if more people participated in some sort of community service.  I definitely plan on teaching Baby W the importance of giving and helping others.

Feeling proud and hopeful...

Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!