Friday Thoughts

This week has been a busy one.  Lots of meetings, throw in a work holiday party, and I’m spent.  Luckily sleep has been pretty good the past couple nights, but somehow I’m still worn out.  'Tis the season!

Speaking of the work holiday party, there were some amazing prizes to be won.  A trip to San Diego which included hotel, airfare, golf at Torrey Pines, dinner, and more.  How awesome would it be to win that?!?  There was also a 60 inch tv, Blackhawks tickets, Bulls tickets, Starbucks gift cards, and American express gift cards.  Of course I didn’t win anything, but great prizes nonetheless!

Work has been crazy lately.  And I can't tell you the number of times I've been told to "hold the baby in" for as long as possible.  I'm getting nervous about maternity leave.  On a related note, we interviewed a candidate who would fill in while I was away.  Not impressed.  Hoping we get more candidates in.

W has been saying so many words lately!  He’s not really putting words together quite yet, but I can’t believe how much he’s learned in a short time.  It really is amazing.  Lately, he tells people (and Addie) to move.  It sounds a bit rude, and I’m not even sure where he learned that, but he means well.  And he says it in his cute little W voice so it sounds a lot sweeter coming from him.  We’ve been trying to teach him “move please”.

I’m sure every parent despises certain toys – usually because they’re loud and obnoxious.  What toy do you absolutely loathe??  For me, it's an alligator push toy.  We received it as a baby shower gift and I thought it was adorable.  W’s nursery was decorated with alligators, which made the toy that much more special.  It was cute for the first year… up until the time W started running through the house with those alligators making loud clacking noises everywhere he went.  If that weren’t bad enough, he finds it hilarious to chase Addie with it, scaring her to death and he’s also run over my feet with it, which hurts like hell.  It usually gets taken away from him within the first 3 minutes of playing due to running into people (and animals), bashing into walls, or repeatedly banging it on the floor.  I hate that thing.  This morning I was telling A that I envisioned launching it outside and watching it break into pieces as it landed.  He told me I needed to be more creative – perhaps watching it burn in the fireplace or something.  I can tolerate all other toys, but those seemingly cute/unsuspecting alligators have run into my heels one too many times – they need to go!!

I opened Google this morning and stumbled upon the Santa Tracker, which informed me that there were 11 days and 19 hours until Christmas.  Oh my gosh!  I’m officially overwhelmed.  AHHH!

Happy Friday!  Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!

Does overcoming infertility make you a better mom?

Does overcoming infertility make you a better mom?  I’ve often wondered that.  And I think for me, the answer is yes.  Now, I’m not saying those who haven’t struggled with infertility can’t be great moms.  There are plenty of amazing moms in the world – and I’m not even sure I’m one of them.  I also realize there are several women who’ve struggled a lot longer with infertility than I have.  In a way, A and I were lucky because we knew IVF was our only option.  There was no trying for months, no IUI.  We went straight to IVF.  But infertility isn’t a contest of who’s suffered more or who’s been on the roller coaster longest…

As I was saying… I think overcoming infertility made me much more grateful and appreciative.  More thankful for my pregnancies and more thankful for my sons.  Has motherhood always been amazing and wonderful, sunshine and butterflies?  Absolutely not.  But even on those mornings, when W woke up several times the prior night, when he’s flushing all the Kleenex down the toilet and screaming at the top of his lungs for no apparent reason, I know that I’m lucky I get to experience it all.  And I always remind myself of that when I get frustrated.

I distinctly remember the newborn days.  There was one particular night when A and I were utterly exhausted.  I think A was delusional – sitting on the floor, mumbling, and rocking to try to stay awake (bless him for getting up with me as I struggled with nursing W).  W was crying, refusing to eat and to sleep, A sarcastically muttered, “Well, this is fun!”.  It certainly wasn’t fun, but I remember feeling so fulfilled and happy nonetheless.  We were actually parents.  We were a family.  W was ours.  We had our baby.  And that was all that mattered to me.

I was talking to a coworker recently.  Telling her that we had a full weekend planned for W.  Explaining that I was hurrying out of the office because I wanted to spend time with W before he got too tired.  She told me that I was so different from her niece who has a daughter a month older than W.  She went on to tell me that her niece had been out of town for the weekend and was gone several times that week to attend a sporting event and other activities with friends and that was common for her.  I know there isn’t a right way to parent and each family has their own way of doing things.  But it did make me feel good knowing that I’d rather spend my non work time at home with W as opposed to being out with friends often.  Being a parent is the greatest gift I’ve ever been given and I don’t want to take any of it for granted.

Prior to infertility and W, I got frustrated easily, I was impatient, I didn’t always value family time.  I still get frustrated and I’m still impatient at times.  But I think I’ve gotten a lot better.  I’ve learned to relax and appreciate staying home.  Infertility has made me more patient, more grateful, and more empathetic.  And W has made me a better person.

Weekend Recap

As predicted, this past weekend was super busy and was over in a flash.

My cousin stopped by on Friday to have a look at our fireplace.  I’ve never had a fireplace before and was so excited to have one in our new house.  A grew up with a fireplace, but the one in our house is gas as opposed to wood burning and we just weren’t sure how to use it.  Actually, we were told that it could be used as a gas fireplace or a regular wood burning fireplace… the point is, we didn’t know what we were doing and didn’t want to burn down the house.  So my super handy cousin came over and showed A how to turn on the fireplace.  It was so exciting to see the fire going when I walked in from work… until the fire went out a short time later.  Doh!  A was able to get it going again, but once again, it went out.  I blew on it and it came back to life.  So we’re thinking it needs to be cleaned or there’s something going on with the pilot… Kind of a bummer.  At least we had a fire for a short time.

Saturday was a loooong day.  It started off great.  We celebrated St. Nicholas Day.  W put a shoe outside of his bedroom door on Friday night (well, mom put a shoe outside his door).  When A opened W’s door in the morning, W saw a present and a couple dollars in his shoe right away.  He wasted no time opening the gift (from Nani) and also seemed to appreciate the money in his shoe.  Makes me very excited for opening presents on Christmas!

A short time later, A and W went on their “top secret mission” and arrived home with donuts, bagels, and Starbucks!  Yes!!  I love their missions. J 

After that, we all headed to the bank and grocery store.  W fell asleep on the way home, but woke as A was trying to get him to his bed.  So he had a 5 minute nap and refused to go back to sleep.  As a result, he was cranky for the remainder of the day.  Not fun.  He did get a haircut and was very good during that, but the rest of the afternoon was spent trying to avoid meltdowns.

Luckily, W went to bed early and slept about 11 hours.  For W, that’s really good.

Sunday was our busy day.  We went to church and then headed to a pancake breakfast with the whole family, which included: me, A, W, my mom, Nani, Papa, Uncle M, Uncle B, Aunt B, Aunt B’s mom, and W’s 3 cousins.  Everybody!!  It was lots of fun and W got to visit with Santa!  I wasn’t sure how it would go, if there would be tears.  But W was great.  I could tell he was a little nervous as he sat on Santa’s lap, but no crying.  I also got to hold my new nephew.  All in all, a great breakfast and fun with family!

We headed home and W fell asleep in the car again.  This time we were smart and had taken off his shoes and jacket ahead of time.  A was able to transfer him to his bed with no problems and he took a 2 hour nap.  Phew.

As W napped, I started sorting through baby clothes.  Lots of them suddenly had yellow stains that weren’t there previously.  Uggh.  Why does that happen?  Hoping the stains come out in the wash.  It was fun to find all those tiny hats and booties and reminisce about little Christmas outfits and newborn clothes.  I’m anxious to get everything put away, but the OCD organizer in me is having a hard time deciding just how to organize everything.

After that, we dropped off Christmas gifts for the family we adopted.  There were several other people dropping off gifts at the same time – always makes me so happy to see that. 

Then, it was off to see the holiday train roll into town.  Unfortunately, it was pretty chilly, it was a bit of a walk to the train, very crowded, and the train was late.  We did run into some church friends.  They have twins who also attend W’s preschool so it was nice to talk with them.  When the train finally arrived, it was neat to see it all lit up.  I think W liked it too.  But by the time the train came to a stop, I was ready to get out of there.  Cold and hurting!  Carrying W and the long walk were taking a toll on my back.  I’m glad we went, but I think we’ll wait until W is a bit older before we go again.  Apparently, there was singing, Santa, hot chocolate, and more, but we were too tired and cold to check out any of that.

So after all that, we decided to grab a quick dinner at IHOP.  Somehow we ended up with an IHOP gift card last Christmas and we still hadn’t used it.  I’m not much of a breakfast person and had never been to IHOP.  We thought we’d try it for dinner.  So we went and that might have been our first and last time at IHOP.  Ha!  It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good either.  I’m sure their breakfasts are much better.  At least it was mostly free thanks to the gift card.

Also, I forgot to mention that we’ve been doing Elf on the Shelf.  I’m not sure how I feel about the whole elf spying for Santa and always being on your best behavior, but W is too young to understand any of that anyway.  For now, we’ve just been hiding Crispin the Elf around the house and W has a blast trying to find him.  We ask where Crispin went and when W notices he’s not in his most recent hiding spot, he’ll walk around the house saying “hmmm” as he searches.  Really cute. J

Oh!  And I never heard anything from the doctor, which means I don’t have Gestational Diabetes!!  Yay!! J

And finally… THIS.  A sent me this picture of W in timeout.  He rarely gets a timeout.  I could count the number of timeouts he’s had on one hand.  And don’t let that picture fool you.  He may look sorry, but as soon as he got up, he grabbed the teething ring that he got in trouble for throwing and threw it again.  He redeemed himself and avoided another timeout by putting the ring back in the closet when I asked him to.  Oh, W…

So that was our wonderful, busy weekend!

Friday Thoughts

Friday at last.  I’ve had a bit of a rough week.  Nothing major and mostly work related.  I’m hoping the weekend provides a chance to refresh and regroup.  We have lots planned per usual, but lots of fun things with W - I hope he enjoys it!

Speaking of W, he absolutely LOVES his big boy bed and it makes me so happy.  He’ll grab us by the hand and bring us over to sit on the bed with him.  It’s adorable – except for the fact that I refuse to sit on his bed for fear that it will collapse.  So I sit on the floor next to the bed. J

Last night, W pointed to the rocking chair in the nursery, indicating that he wanted me to sit on it.  He then came over to me and said “up”.  I sat him on my lap and we cuddled and rocked together for at least 20 minutes.  W isn’t much of a cuddler and sitting there rocking with him was incredibly sweet.  As we rocked and listened to his music player, I felt so fortunate to have him.  I always feel that way, but those perfect, quiet, snuggly moments with W are great reminders to slow down and not take the life we’ve been given for granted.  After a long day, those cuddles were that much sweeter.

I love talking to A.  That may sound weird, but we have great, thought provoking conversations.  Unfortunately these don’t seem to happen often enough given our busy schedules and attention to W.  But recently we were talking about parenting.  A knows how I feel about being a SAHM.  In a nutshell, I don’t think I could do it.  I love W more than words, but I’m just not cut out for it.  As much as work drives me crazy some days, I need adult interaction.  I need to feel like I’m contributing to society outside of being a mom.  I need to feel like all those classes and college degrees were put to good use.  And I really do like my job. J  He, on the other hand, would welcome the opportunity to be a SAHD.  How awesome is that?  I know he’d rock at it too.  Now to figure out a way to increase my salary and make it happen.  In all honesty, it won’t happen; I couldn’t make up for his salary.  But I totally admire A for being open to the idea and willing if the opportunity arose.

I’ve been emailing HR to discuss maternity leave.  I put it off as long as possible knowing that it would just make me upset.  Sure enough.  How is it that so many other developed countries (i.e. all of Europe) have figured out maternity leave, but the U.S. hasn’t?!?  It disgusts me.  Unpaid leave, paying insurance premiums just so I can keep my insurance, using hard earned vacation days to cover the short term disability waiting period… no wonder so many moms don’t take advantage of the full FMLA period.  They have to return to work in order to continue paying the bills.  I can hardly wait for the HR meeting next week.  Gag.

Sorry to end on a depressing note… Happy Friday!

30 Weeks with Baby #2

How far along? 30 weeks!  Eek!  Into the 30's and single digit weeks left!!

Size?  Baby is the size of a cucumber.

Weight Gain?  I think about 25 lbs.

Gender? Baby boy!

Sleep?  Hit or miss.  Mostly miss lately.  Still uncomfortable and I toss and turn a lot.  I've been having strange dreams.  Last night I dreamed that I had the baby and he was really not cute.  Also, there's always a dog near on me. :P

Movement? Still lots of movement.  While doctor was listening to baby's heartbeat, baby gave him a giant kick.  Soccer star perhaps?

Food Cravings?  Nothing.

Labor signs? Too early.

What I Miss?  Even my maternity clothes are starting to get too small - what the heck?!?  Why wouldn't maternity clothes fit the entire 9 months??  I had to purchase a couple more tops because current ones didn't fit and I just could not fathom wearing the same things for the next 2 months.  A bit depressing.  I'm still carrying all in front.

Symptoms?  Still having some back pain and a bit more heartburn.  I still get tired easily and go to bed super early, but overall, I can't complain.

Happy or Moody?  Mostly happy and a tad moody!

Looking Forward To?  Filling baby's dresser with W's newborn clothes.  He had the cutest clothes and they're all in great condition.  Time to wash them up and organize.  I can't wait to look through all of them again.  W's birthday is less than 3 weeks away!  I go between being excited about it and dreading it.

Best Moment of the Week?  Oh, everything!  This is going to be lengthy...

Thanksgiving was fantastic.  Spending 6 whole days with W was wonderful.
The house is decorated for Christmas and looks so festive.  Our stockings arrived yesterday.  We've never had stockings before.  A put lights outside our house - the first time we've had an actual house to put lights on (lights on a townhouse weren't as much fun - not to mention a townhouse is too tall to light up).
Baby's room is really coming together.  The dresser and chair arrived yesterday and I'm in love.  I've gone way overboard choosing decor for the room.  Have you seen my mantle?  Clearly I get the decorating bug from my mom.
We had a 3D ultrasound yesterday.  I left feeling underwhelmed and disappointed that I spent a significant amount of money for 20 minutes of ultrasound time.  BUT when I got home I looked over the ultrasound pictures, thought about the appointment, and felt better.  I got to see baby sucking his thumb, moving about, and practice breathing.  Was it worth the price?  Probably not, but I do love the pictures we got and it was great to see our littlest man.

I think we officially have a name - as in first AND middle name!  The first name was my top choice and the middle name was A's top choice so it seems like a perfect compromise and I'm excited.  A asked me if I was sure about the name and I said no, I'll never be sure.  I was the same way with W.  But this is as close as I'll get to being sure.  And for the record, I love W's name - it just fits him and I'm sure I'll feel the same about this name.

Weekend Recap - Part 2

Friday… Black Friday.  My mom and I go shopping every year on Black Friday and this year was no exception.  We always head out around 7 am and it has always worked well – the midnight shoppers are done and lots of other shoppers aren’t out yet.  This year, however, was CRAZY.   So. Many. People.  I did order a dresser and glider, which was super exciting.  My mom actually purchased the glider as a baby gift for us, which was really sweet.  While placing the order, I was told that if the store didn’t have them in stock, it would take 14-18 weeks for them to arrive.  SAY WHAT?!?  I had no idea.  I could live without the glider, but I needed a dresser to start organizing and storing baby clothes.  Thankfully, the store had both (which I think is rare and we really lucked out).  I was very excited.  My mom and I came away with some great deals, but we also ran into a couple snags.  One store advertising everything as 50% off, but when it came time to pay for items, they weren’t all 50% off (still need to contact customer service about that one – not cool).  I picked out a few books for W and didn’t check the price.  I just thought books were books.  Ha.  My total seemed way high and after looking at the receipt, I realized one of the books was $27.  For a children’s book?!?  No way.  That book is being returned.  I should also mentioned that I was absolutely exhausted and so done with shopping by 2 pm.  I was tired of annoying people and carrying heavy shopping bags.  My mom and I ended up meeting A and W for an impromptu late lunch and it really cheered me up.  I was SO hungry by that time and W was so well behaved.  The restaurant had a sleigh and Christmas décor and W was mesmerized!  He kept pointing to the sleigh and waving – so cute. J  I can’t remember Friday night, but I think it was pretty uneventful.

Saturday, I had a 7:40 am doctor’s appointment.  I was still tired and worn out from the prior day’s shopping extravaganza.  The appointment was with my favorite doctor and went well.  It was the gestational diabetes appointment so I had to drink the lovely sugary fruit punch and then wait an hour for blood draw.  I made A come with and keep me company since I knew it would be a long appointment.  The drink wasn’t bad at all.  I asked favorite doctor if I could schedule a c section with him and he said yes, that I could schedule the c section at my next appointment (the plan is still to try for VBAC if I go into labor earlier).  While checking baby’s heartbeat, baby gave the doctor a couple really strong kicks – the kind of kicks where my whole belly moves.  I think the doctor was surprised and commented on baby’s strength.  I asked about baby’s position.  It appears baby is head down, but diagonal.  Pretty common for this stage of pregnancy.  We also scheduled a 3D ultrasound.  Something I had originally planned not to do since W didn’t look anything like his ultrasound pictures, but I just couldn’t resist a peek at this babe.  And I ended the appointment by getting the pertussis vaccine.  The nurse warned me it would hurt.  My arm was feeling fine shortly after the shot and I naively thought others who’ve complained must be wimps.  Joke was on me because by the next day, my entire arm was throbbing.  That one hurts!!

The rest of the day was busy.  I got my hair cut, we went for a walk (the weather was really nice), A put up Christmas lights outside, and we went out for pizza.  A fantastic (albeit busy) day.

Sunday, I was in such a bad mood.  I’m not sure why exactly, but I wasn’t feeling well and was a little overwhelmed by all the things I wanted to get done.  Knowing I had tons of work emails waiting for me and plans every weekend from now until eternity didn’t help my mood.  Church, Starbucks, and grocery shopping all went well.  W refused to nap until 3:45.  4 hours passed his normal nap time!  When he finally fell asleep, I finally snapped out of my bad mood.  I even painted my nails – something I haven’t done in about a year!  A little pampering goes a long way.  We decided to decorate the tree that night and it turned out beautifully.  Because of the late nap, it took A forever to get W to sleep, but when he finally slept, all was well.  I was sad our long weekend was over.

And now here we are – December!!  When I opened my work cabinet this morning, there was a gift bag.  Sometimes my boss gives W little gifts for holidays so I wondered if it was from him.  But no, it was a thank you from work for my contributions to a successful regulatory inspection.  How nice and totally unexpected!  I received a gift card and plaque.  It made my day. J

Weekend Recap - Part 1

We had an incredibly jam packed, wonderful holiday week/weekend.  As we were driving home from Thanksgiving dinner, I told A it was my favorite Thanksgiving ever.  But before I get to that, let’s start with Tuesday…

Tuesday, I decided to take the day off to spend with W.  A had conferences that day and wouldn’t be home until after 8 so I knew it was going to be a long day – simply because W has a lot of energy and I don’t. J  My mom offered to help.  I decided that I would treat W to Starbucks and then head to the mall play place.  This tends to be my default when I can’t think of anything better to do. J  The cold temperatures have limited our options.  I invited my mom and she wanted to join us.  So that’s exactly what we did – apple juice and bagel at Starbucks, mall play place, and pizza lunch in the food court.  The play place was a little crowded and I think W was a tad intimidated.  It didn’t occur to me that several kids probably had off of school, but we made the most of it.  After a busy morning, W was getting a bit cranky so we headed home for a nap.  After nap, W and I baked (pre-made) cookies, painted, did puzzles, read books, and played.  We had a great day together.  Confession: by the end of the day, I had run out of things to do.  This makes me think I wouldn’t be a very good stay at home mom – I’m terrible at coming up with ideas for activities.  We were all happy to see Da when he finally made it home.

I love that his eye color really comes out in this picture

Cookies and Starbucks - it doesn't get much better than that

Waiting for Da with my 3 babies. <3  My heart is full.

Wednesday, I was home with W again.  A had conferences, but only until 11 am.  W and I stayed in our pajamas all morning and did much of the same things as the previous day – trucks, baking, coloring, books, puzzles.  Nothing exciting, but we had fun.  That afternoon, we had friends stop over.  They were in town from Minnesota and it was great to see them and meet their baby girl.  Also worth noting, Addie was VERY well behaved!  I was shocked.  After giving them a tour of the house, we headed over to another friend’s house for some catching up and pizza!  We had a great time.  There were 4 little kiddos  - W, and three 8 month olds.  W was the only boy and I think he was feeling like a stud. ;)  He was so cute with all those girls – watching them, looking concerned when they made noise.  At one point, I asked if he could say hi to one of them.  He said hi and I swear he blew a kiss!  What a flirt!  I wished we could have stayed longer, but I was worried about W settling down and getting to bed on time – especially with Thanksgiving the following day.

Thanksgiving morning, W and A headed out on a “top secret mission” and returned home with Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks.  What a way to start the day!  We indulged in donuts and bagels while watching the Macy’s parade.  After that, W took a bath while A finished assembling W's toddler bed.  Side note: At one point, W absolutely hated baths.  He would cling to A or me throughout the entire bath, cry, and try to crawl out of the tub.  Now, I can’t get him out of the tub.  He takes 45 minute baths and cries when we take him out!!  Anyway, when he got out, he saw his new bed and was very excited. J  He took a nap in the bed and slept longer than expected.  We then headed to A’s parents’ house for Thanksgiving dinner.  We were the last to arrive due to W’s long nap and I was starving. J  My mom and brother were there too.  Thanksgiving dinner was delicious as usual and I got to meet my new nephew.  W ate SO MUCH.  He devoured that turkey and was the entertainment during dinner – calling out animal sounds when asked and repeating new words.  He was so much fun and well behaved (well, except for dropping red jello everywhere J).  He also looked really darn cute in his preppy outfit - if I do say so myself.  We had a great time with family and the day was a perfect reminder that we are so blessed and have so much to be thankful for.  W slept in his big boy bed for the first time that night and did amazingly well.  One perk to still rocking him to sleep is he doesn’t get out of his bed to play multiple times. ;)

Bow tie, Sperry's, cardigan... cuteness overload!