Weekend Recap

I still need to finish my previous catch up post, but wanted to document this past weekend so I’d remember it.  It was a good one and I’m all about reminding myself of the good times lately instead of focusing on the difficulties.

My friend of 20+ years had been asking me to get together.  I kept putting it off because I’m just not feeling social lately.  It’s difficult “catching up” when you feel like you have nothing but bad news to share.  Finally, I agreed to meet her for lunch on Friday.  I’m so glad I did.  We talked about my brother, failed IVF, Addie dog, family and when I was done talking about the past year, with tears in my eyes, her only response was, “Oh, C.”  I really haven’t told many people everything.  As in everything everything.  Most people get bits and pieces.  Hardly anyone knows about our IVF and mc.  I don’t like feeling pitied and somehow I associate difficulty with being weak.  I don’t like to admit that I’m struggling.  Talking with her was cathartic and I know she genuinely cares and wants the best for me and my family.  I also had fun playing with her sweet 1 year old while we ate lunch.

Every Friday afternoon lately, we head over to my mom’s house and order pizza.  Since my mom hasn’t seen the boys all week, she entertains them while A and I relax and watch the Cubs or do crossword puzzles.  Sometimes we sit outside.  This Friday was no different.  Poor A had taken the boys to the water park so he was exhausted.  Knowing he was tired, I volunteered to pick up the pizza.  W responded with, “you both should go!”.  When my mom questioned him, W’s response was, “Well, I just need a break from them.”  Wow.  Wow.

W loves seeing my toenail polish when I return from a pedicure.  He usually asks me to paint his toes and I do.  It’s become a fun little routine.  So last time the boys got a haircut (which is at the same place I get a pedicure), W asked if he could get one.  I was pretty sure they didn’t do kids pedicures and asked the stylist.  Sure enough, they do in fact do kids pedicures.  Note: Don’t ask, unless you’re absolutely certain the stylist is going to say no.  As a treat for finishing preschool and a pick me up for a very difficult summer thus far, I took W to his first pedicure.  And he loved it!

When we arrived home, there was a package waiting with the boys’ names on it.  It was a blanket from my mom’s cousin and it just so happened to be purple and have owls all over it – W’s favorite color and the boys’ favorite animal!  So very thoughtful!

Sunday was our usual.  Did I mention that it’s been terribly hot lately??  Because it has.  Of course, we were supposed to walk in the annual Independence Day parade with the boys’ preschool and the heat index was over 100 degrees.  A and the boys rode on the float while my mom and I handed out bubbles along the parade route.  It might have been the hottest I’ve ever felt.  Somehow, we made it to the end without passing out first (there were a couple times I didn’t think I’d make it).  I have to mention that S was the cutest little parade participant I ever did see.  He doesn’t do well in the heat and usually turns into a sweaty mess, but he rallied and smiled and waved to everyone along the parade route.  So darn cute.  W started off waving and then lost interest.  Once it was over, we found a nearby restaurant for lunch.  All in all a fun (HOT) day.  I should also mention, that participating in the parade was a bit of a struggle – I’m not feeling particularly patriotic or proud of recent occurrences and I questioned being in it.  BUT.  I wanted to support the preschool and the city I grew up in.  I decided to celebrate the America that I believe in – one that isn’t defined or exemplified by 45.  So in that regard, Happy 4^th!

Lately - In Photos (part 1)

I haven’t been keeping up with the blog for obvious reasons.  I know if I look back on this one day and have a huge gap, it will bother me.  I thought I’d look through the recent photos in my phone and do a quick recap of life lately and then I’ll be somewhat caught up.

A chaperoned the final preschool field trip of the year.  They went to a local beach (Lake Michigan) state park.  A sent these photos to me of W standing near the shore and throwing rocks into the lake.  I love how serene it appears.

 A and I went to a Cubs game Memorial Day weekend.  With everything going on, it was such a blessing to escape for a little adult time cheering on our favorite team.  And the Cubbies won!  Afterwards, we met the boys and Nani and Papa for pizza – such a fun day.

 The boys don’t usually get their hair washed when they get a haircut.  The stylist typically just wets their hair and then cuts it.  On this day, the assistant asked W if he’d like his hair washed and he agreed.  His face was priceless and I couldn’t stop laughing.  He now understands that relaxing feeling having someone else wash your hair and I think he’ll be requesting a shampoo for all future haircuts.

Love this doggy.

 Our weather has not been very summer like – seems like it’s either chilly or rainy.  But when it has been nice, the boys have taken full advantage. 

We celebrated National Donut Day with Donuts... and donut moccs.

The last day of preschool!!  This was huge.  W’s last day of preschool EVER.  I now have a kindergartener… whaaaa!!  And S completed his first year of preschool.  This was the toughest school year for so many reasons and I know I’ve complained about it before.  It was extremely stressful for me with two different drop off times, two different pick up times, scheduling meetings around those times, and working full time.  I’m so thankful for a somewhat flexible job.  But my goodness, it was tough.  Completing this school year was such a relief.  While next year will bring its own set of challenges, I’m just happy we survived this year.  I absolutely love the kids is W’s class and have become friends with some of their parents – I’m so sad our kids won’t be in the same class next year, but I do hope we’ll keep in touch.  I should also mention that the boys are thriving.  S amazed me – from day one, I was able to drop him off with no tears.  He counts, he speaks incredibly well, and he’s really darn funny.  W has been requesting to do math worksheets for fun?!?  And he’s beginning to read.  I’m so proud of both of them.

Pride Month - supporting our LGBTQ friends. And making sure my boys know they can be whomever they are meant to be.  I'll always love them.

To be continued…

Loss

August 2017, I lost a baby and the possibility of expanding our family.  June 7, 2018, I lost my only brother.  And in just a couple weeks, I’ll lose my dog.  So much hurt in less than one year.  Instead of focusing on the excruciating pain and emptiness I’ve endured, I wanted to share a positive experience.  I wrote this shortly after my brother’s passing because I wanted to express my gratitude for the support my family has received.

Thank you so much. Thank you for all the texts, Facebook messages, emails, cards, offers of help. Thank you for sharing stories and favorite memories. You made an unfathomable tragedy bearable. My mom and I have read through every single post on James’s Facebook page, every memory written down during his visitation. I’ll never understand why James was taken from us. Losing my little brother, my only sibling, will never ever make sense to me. But knowing how many lives he touched in his 33 years makes our devastating loss a little less painful. More than one person at his visitation explained to me that James was their best friend. I didn’t even realize multiple best friends were possible, but if anyone could have achieved that, it’s James. Multiple people told me James helped them through a tough time in life. When they needed him, James was always there. James could talk to anyone and made friends with everyone. His smile was genuine and his laugh was contagious. Multiple people also told me they were surprised I didn’t mention that James had been sick for some time. I didn’t intentionally hide his hospital stay; I just held out hope that he’d get better. James had every intention of recovering, leaving the hospital, and making a trip to Washington Island. My mom and Susana were with him at the hospital every single day for 6 weeks. All of us wishing, hoping, praying he’d get better. And that brings me to a final thought. You never know what struggles people are going through, what hardships they’re enduring, what battles they’re facing. In a world where you can be anything, be kind. It’s what James would’ve wanted. Be a little more patient, a little less judgmental, and a lot more compassionate. In the words of James’s favorite, Bob Marley, “The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.” Thank you, all.

Weekend Recap - 5/21/18

I decided that I wouldn’t visit the hospital this weekend.  With lots going on, I needed a break and wanted to spend as much time with the guys as possible.  Even though I’m not gone all that long when I do visit my brother, I think my absence may be affecting W.  He’s acted out quite a bit lately and his actions are more aggressive than I’ve ever seen from him – throwing things, yelling, blatant disregard for directions, even trying to bite a few times.  So very uncharacteristic of him.  At first we thought his allergy medicine may be impacting his behavior and I still think it may have contributed.  A pointed out that W has always been very sensitive and acutely aware of others’ feelings so even though we’ve tried to protect him and shield him from sadness, he’s no doubt picked up on it.  It’s been a really difficult month for all of us.

With that said, I picked up pizza on my way home from work Friday and the boys devoured it.  In preparation for our new sofa and chair arriving on Saturday, A and I had to move the existing sofa and chair into the garage.  I was a little nervous about being able to get both out of the house, but I honestly feel like A and I can accomplish anything together.  That’s a little cheesy, but it’s really how I feel.  And we moved those two pieces of furniture like a boss (bosses?).  The boys thought it was pretty funny that we had no furniture in the living room.  A had had a rough day with his students and suggested ice cream.  It sounded perfect to me so we had an ice cream picnic in the empty living room before tucking the boys in for the night.  Only feeling slightly guilty about the massive amount of ice cream and pizza I consumed (side note: with everything going on, I’m finding it difficult to squeeze in the treadmill – I really need to get back to walking a few times each week).

Our new furniture arrived early Saturday morning.  I was a little worried about seeing it – we had chosen fabric and styles in store, but had yet to see the finished product.  I’m relieved to say I love it!  Late morning, we headed out to check out area rugs – I found one I love, but can’t justify the price so I’ve been searching for a cheaper alternative.  No luck yet.  However, the boys did enjoy checking out the toilets at the home improvement store.  We let W choose a lunch spot and he chose Red Robin.  Love going here because the burgers are yummy and they always send us coupons – woohoo!  From there, we decided to head to the amusement part.  We got season tickets again this year and it’s great to be able to go for just a couple hours.  W seemed really happy that I was there and I think he asked me about 20 times if I’d go on a roller coaster with him.  After nearly an hour wait, we made it on and he loved it!  As soon as it stopped, he asked to go again.  S (who’s usually my little daredevil) was NOT a fan.  He preferred the carousel.  So thankful for a fun day and W especially seemed to enjoy it.

BEFORE - I'll miss my red couch.  Probably should've cleaned up a bit before the photo, but real life.  Also that little book cubby does NOT belong next to the tv - W likes to rearrange furniture.  My little Nate Berkus in the making.

S is a strong little man

AFTER - I think W is a fan (and I eventually found a rug).  We still plan to wall mount the tv.

Sunday was a rough morning for W.  Not exactly sure what was going on.  He may have been tired from the day prior or he may have assumed I’d be going to the hospital.  He just wouldn’t listen to A or me, was defiant, mean to S.  As a result, he ended up staying in the car for a chat with A and missed the children’s mass at church.  Luckily, he was fine after that.  A and I had to work at the school carnival so the boys went to my mom’s house for a bit.  They had a blast playing and even took the Power Wheels Jeep for a spin (I mean W took it for a spin because S refuses to ride – guess that says something about W’s driving).  A and I enjoyed working together and earned our parent participation credit.  When we were done, we picked up the boys and headed back to the carnival so they could jump in the bounce house, ride the pony, and indulge in pizza and popcorn.

His expression is the best - he'd been asking for weeks to ride the horse and was so excited!  He even told his preschool teacher is favorite animal was a horse.

All in all it was a great weekend!

Weekend Recap - 5/14/18

5/14/18

Lately, it feels like every week includes some new challenge or hardship.  Last week was a doozy.  I think I’ve cried more in the past two weeks than ever before in my life.  Two former bosses along with one of my good friends were laid off with several other employees (many of whom I've known for years).  These were people who helped build and shape the company.  People I considered dear friends and mentors.  They contributed so much.  They were liked by everyone.  When I learned of it, I was in disbelief.  My disbelief quickly turned to anger.  How can a company treat people this way?  I've decided it's time for me to begin looking for a new job.  Because I really need more chaos in my life. :\  When it rains, it pours...

On the brighter side, A had CF clinic and it went well.  The confusing part is that both his FEVC and FEV1 numbers were up, but the percentage was down a point.  I’m taking the higher FEVC and FEV1 as a good sign.  I had a good laugh when I looked at his results and the tech had written that the patient was cooperative.  Haha! 

On Friday, W attended ‘Kindergarten Experience’.  I worked from home in order to drop him off and as this happened to be the day my beloved coworkers were packing up their offices, I was so happy to be working from home.  W told me quite a few times that he was nervous and I continually reassured him that this would be a great way to meet teachers and check out the classroom.  From what I could tell, it went well.  He was only at Kindergarten for an hour, but was paired with a Kindergarten buddy, read a story, had a snack, and made a cute little paper duck. J  Those kindergarten hallways are the cutest – I love all the little projects hanging from the walls and the sweet handwriting.

Saturday morning, the boys actually slept until about 6:45ish, which is really good for them.  S woke first.  I’ll typically go get him and bring him to our bed where he drinks milk, we watch PBS cartoons, and ease into the day.  A, S, Addie, and myself were all lying in bed when I smelled something.  I thought it was the dog and commented that she was stinky.  A couple minutes later, I smelled something again.  S told me he needed a diaper change.  I sat up and realized there was poop everywhere.  Happy Mother’s Day weekend to me.  S went straight into the bathtub while A took the sheets off the bed.  After a bath and starting a load of laundry, all three boys headed out to pick up Starbucks.  I had requested it for Mother’s Day weekend and they delivered.  After breakfast, I headed out for a pedicure.  So relaxing!  In the afternoon, I visited my brother in the hospital and picked up Chinese food on the way home.

Sunday, we headed to church and Starbucks again.  I opened some fabulous Mother’s Day gifts, which included necklaces made by W, a handprint and poem made by S, and a blender and pedicure gift certificate from A.  Everything was perfect.  And if you’re wondering about the blender, I specifically asked for it. ;)  I thought it’d be fun to make smoothies and get some fruits and veggies into the boys.  Epic fail there because they both gagged when I had them try a yogurt smoothie.  I thought it was delicious.  A entertained the boys much of the day, I allowed myself to sit on the couch for a blissful hour and do nothing.  I made Cajun pasta and sausage for dinner, which was delicious.  All in all a good Mother’s Day, albeit, a little sad given current circumstances.

Weekend Recap - 5/7/18

5/7/18

Another busy weekend in the books.  I spent some time at the hospital Saturday and Sunday with my brother.  While this situation is incredibly difficult, I’m so thankful for A.  He’s been entertaining the boys with park visits and even trips to the amusement park while I’m away and he's been holding down the house.  I’ve been receiving phone calls from family and friends who’ve heard about my brother.  They reach out to me instead of my mom, knowing that she’s often at the hospital and overwhelmed.  I’m relieved they’re contacting me and so appreciative of the offers for help, but I have to admit, it’s draining.  I hate being the one to confirm such terrible news.  I save my tears for when the boys are in bed or when I'm in the car alone.  Everything about the situation is emotionally exhausting.

Despite the hospital visits and sadness, we’re trying to make sure that the boys maintain a sense of normalcy as much as possible.  W has had some rough days and I'm sure he's catching on that things are really difficult right now, but we're doing our best.

They’ve been playing outside so much - soaking in the sunshine and warmer spring temperatures.  W has taken to riding the scooter he received for Christmas and zips through the neighborhood.  S is trying to figure out how to pedal.  Every day, W asks, “is it warm enough for sandals?” and also, “when can we get out the pool?”  Our pool is a tiny plastic kiddie pool so I don't understand the intrigue, but they’re very eager.

On Sunday, May 6, we participated in the Great Strides walk.  I wish we had had a larger team, but grateful to those who walked with us and supported us.  Our team raised over $500 (close to $600), which I’m really proud of.  A little side story: the boys were super excited to see purple shirts (W's favorite color!).  We found some in their size and moved along.  We later learned that the purple shirts were actually for those with CF.  No one told us.  Oops!  We had to explain a few times that A has CF and the boys do not.  They looked cute nonetheless.

Update

Something happened last week.  I’m not ready to talk about it in full detail, but I’ll summarize by saying my younger (and only) brother is in ICU.  He’s very sick and doctors haven’t given us any hope.  In fact, they've begun talking hospice care.  I’m completely heartbroken.  I’m trying to continue on and stay strong, but I’m hurting.  With that, I plan on taking a break from the blog (or at least my posts will be sporadic).  Until next time...