A and I had our consult with our RE earlier this week. Going into the consultation, I was convinced that our odds for having another baby were very low and had accepted that we'd remain a family of 4. I was at peace with that conclusion. Between the not so stellar ultrasound at my previous appointment and knowing everything we'd have to go through, I accepted that another baby was just not meant to be.
After talking with Dr. S., I'm more confused than ever. He doesn't believe that insulin or CF in general has any negative affect on sperm quality. In a way, this was frustrating to hear because it just seems that we should have better results. And it seems many couples in which the male partner has CF require several tries at IVF. I know IVF is not fool proof and each clinic is very different. When I asked about this, I was told that 4 blastocysts out of 11 embryos was actually pretty good (and this was the best we've ever gotten). But those blasts only resulted in 1 baby. Dr. S. said that although I'm the dreaded 35 (my words, not his), it's still possible to have a baby and he's not very concerned about my age hurting our chances. I asked how I could possibly go from an antral follicle count of 29 to 11 and if that drastic decline was typical. He said no that it was very unusual to see such a dip and that antral follicle count changes monthly. He said 29 was probably my high and 11 was likely my low and he expected that my count was probably higher than 11. I'm not so sure, but he wasn't overly concerned and said he would change the protocol a bit for improved stimulation. He also emphasized that quality was much more important the quantity. A concept I understand, but I also know that more eggs equates to more chances for a baby. I asked if he could give us an idea of our chance for success, knowing full well that the number was simply a guess, but I like numbers. He said he would give us about a 40% chance of success for one embryo transferred (the same odds as our failed FET) and 55% for two embryos transferred.
I honestly have no idea what we'll do. Some days I'm sure that we're done and I never want to think about IVF again. Other days, I'd like to try one more cycle and even if it fails, I'll know that I tried everything. I'm extremely torn. Praying for guidance.
I can almost SEE your lady scientist mind zig-zagging every which way, trying to put all this information into a coherent pattern. A pattern you can then study and act upon logically.
ReplyDeleteWow. So much to figure out.
At my age now, I think a lot about emotional intelligence. EI.
As a child, I was heaped with praise and goodies for being a top student. Books, standardized tests, writing - it all came pretty easy to me.
When I look at myself now, look at my life, I see how for all my fancy book learning, I'm a bit remedial at understanding my emotions. Understanding my feelings. Looking back, I wish I had spent more time cultivating EI. I think I would have made better choices if I had understood my emotions better.
All this is to say that this decision is yours, and your husband's, alone. The better you understand how you're feeling, your emotions, that overwhelming spiraling surge of body/mind sensations that come up when you contemplate this big decision, the better you will be able to make it.
Clear the decks, be real, be honest with yourself, break down blocks and defenses. Don't latch on to other people's notions or easy answers. There is no PERFECT choice, but do your best to make a true choice. True for you. Do that messy work.
And it's GOOD you have your lady scientist mind at hand (head?) - you'll be able to understand the B&W logistical facts of your decision probably better than many women. So that's something in your favor.
Not easy but give it your best shot.
I'm rooting for you!
Really great advice! Thank you!
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