Loss

August 2017, I lost a baby and the possibility of expanding our family.  June 7, 2018, I lost my only brother.  And in just a couple weeks, I’ll lose my dog.  So much hurt in less than one year.  Instead of focusing on the excruciating pain and emptiness I’ve endured, I wanted to share a positive experience.  I wrote this shortly after my brother’s passing because I wanted to express my gratitude for the support my family has received.

Thank you so much. Thank you for all the texts, Facebook messages, emails, cards, offers of help. Thank you for sharing stories and favorite memories. You made an unfathomable tragedy bearable. My mom and I have read through every single post on James’s Facebook page, every memory written down during his visitation. I’ll never understand why James was taken from us. Losing my little brother, my only sibling, will never ever make sense to me. But knowing how many lives he touched in his 33 years makes our devastating loss a little less painful. More than one person at his visitation explained to me that James was their best friend. I didn’t even realize multiple best friends were possible, but if anyone could have achieved that, it’s James. Multiple people told me James helped them through a tough time in life. When they needed him, James was always there. James could talk to anyone and made friends with everyone. His smile was genuine and his laugh was contagious. Multiple people also told me they were surprised I didn’t mention that James had been sick for some time. I didn’t intentionally hide his hospital stay; I just held out hope that he’d get better. James had every intention of recovering, leaving the hospital, and making a trip to Washington Island. My mom and Susana were with him at the hospital every single day for 6 weeks. All of us wishing, hoping, praying he’d get better. And that brings me to a final thought. You never know what struggles people are going through, what hardships they’re enduring, what battles they’re facing. In a world where you can be anything, be kind. It’s what James would’ve wanted. Be a little more patient, a little less judgmental, and a lot more compassionate. In the words of James’s favorite, Bob Marley, “The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.” Thank you, all.