Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Four Months Later - Living in Limbo

I’ve been trying to write this for quite awhile, but I’m not sure where to start or how to accurately portray my thoughts.

It’s been about four months since our last IVF cycle and subsequent miscarriage.  And for four months I’ve felt a bit lost.  I’ve always had a plan for everything and I’m finding myself in limbo.  Work has only complicated things and added to my stress.  I mentioned previously that I wasn’t happy with my job.  My “plan” has been to wait it out and hope that another position will open.  It’s a poor plan in that I have no control over job openings or being selected for a position.  But it’s all I’ve got.  Sure, I could look elsewhere with another company, but I need the flexibility to work from home in order to take the boys to and from school and I don’t think I’ll find that anywhere else.  I’ve also worked for the company long enough to earn 4 weeks paid vacation.  Something I take full advantage of and I don’t want to lose that.  So I wait.  Through long meetings, poor management, and an unfulfilling job, I wait.

A and I had a chance to talk about our situation a month or so ago.  We agreed that we feel like the decision has been made for us.  We don’t have any good options.  If our odds were better, we’d likely try IVF again.  With 20% odds for $20,000, we feel like we’re just setting ourselves up for failure, disappointment, and debt.  While we agreed that we probably wouldn’t try again, I told A that I just couldn’t give up yet.  I wasn’t saying I wanted to try IVF again, but I couldn’t commit to giving up forever.  Limbo.

Most days I’m ok or better than ok.  When I start to feel sad, I think of my boys and tell myself that any money we would have spent on another IVF cycle can instead be spent on a vacation.  We want the boys to see the world.  Other days I deal with lots of anxiety where I feel a constant sense of dread and worry (often intensified by work).  And then there are days like yesterday where the tears come easily.  Yesterday, a friend, whom I’ve been very supportive of announced that after an FET cycle and a bleeding scare, she was released from her RE with a healthy pregnancy.  She found out she’s having a boy.  Her fourth child.  I went through an entire IVF cycle.  Hundreds of needles.  She did FET.  She gets to keep her baby.   I didn’t.  I shouldn’t compare.  I know it’s never beneficial.  But sometimes I can’t help myself.  Classmates and friends are expecting their third and fourth children.  I tried so hard.  So damn hard.  How do you not compare your situation with theirs when that announcement pops up on social media?  They got what I tried so hard for.

A fellow blogger who is pregnant with her first girl, her fourth child, explained that she was so happy to be having a girl because men don't hang out with their mothers.  I never felt like I was missing out, but suddenly I did.  My mom is basically my best friend, but I certainly can't say the same for my brother.  It was a horrible thing to read, but it occurred to me that she was probably right. And I felt so incredibly alone.  If something happens to A once the boys are grown, I'll have no one.  It's not a reason to have another child, but the thought only added to my grief.

Somehow I know I can’t blame myself.  Somehow I know it’s not my fault.  But there are moments I wonder… maybe if I had taken more supplements, maybe if I had eaten better, maybe if we had tried earlier or a different month…

And so I wait in limbo.  Hoping for a new job.  Hoping to feel better.  Hoping for a change.

Monday, December 11, 2017

Weekend Recap - W's Birthday Party

I keep thinking I’ll write posts more often and time completely gets away from me.

We celebrated W’s fifth birthday on Saturday.  Naturally, as is the case every year, both boys came down with colds prior to the party.  Thankfully, the colds have been really mild (thus far) and certainly didn’t affect the boys’ energy levels.  I think I’ve mentioned previously that I don’t love birthday parties.  I like planning them, but when it comes to execution, it just seems like lots of work.  I was kind of hoping that W wouldn’t want a party and that we could plan an event instead.  No such luck.  But his only request for his party was a red, blue, and purple color theme and streamers.  I can totally handle that.  We kept it super easy and ordered W’s favorite: pizza.  My mom brought over spinach dip and A’s mom (Nani) brought caesar salad pastries (there must be a better way to describe them).  Any time someone asks if they can bring food, my answer will always be YES. ;)  Anyway, I think I gained about 25lbs because I could not stop eating either.  I forgot to put out juice for the 10 kids that were over (fail), but I think they made do.  And overall, it was a fun party and I’m honestly glad we had one.  W’s birthday is actually 12/20 so we try to make December an extra special month for him.  He was so sweet and thanked everyone after each present he opened.  

Once the boys went to bed, A and I got to enjoy some Live PD and even more left over food for the party (why did I feel the need to eat MORE??).

Sunday was the usual.  I realized that our dog had completely destroyed my area rug and dining room carpeting by peeing all over them (I hadn’t realized it before because the color blended in.. I know.. gross).  I get that she’s an older dog, but we have a pee pad in the room that she completely avoided.  Sigh. I've already asked my mom if I can borrow her carpet shampooer, but it's hopeless.  We dropped off gifts for our adopted family.  No matter what else is going on, the sight of so many gifts waiting for needy families always brings me to tears and restores my faith in the world.  I wanted the boys to see it too.  There weren’t as moved as I was, but they’ll get it eventually.  And I finished the day by trying a Starbucks Christmas Tree Frappuccino and making mac and cheese with the boys.  

Monday, December 4, 2017

Weekend Recap

The tree is up… jiggity jig!

This weekend turned out to be crazy busy.  Everything seemed to take a little longer than anticipated.  The only thing we had scheduled were haircuts for the boys on Saturday.  I received an email from Bath and Body Works advertising candles on sale.  I love BBW candles and wanted to pick up some for teacher gifts (the boys have 5 different teachers!).  So I suggested we head there, then grab lunch, and arrive for haircuts by 1:30.  My plan was way too ambitious.  Upon arriving at BBW, the store was crazy crowded and the check-out line was out the door.  I had no idea candle day was a thing!  Employees were bringing out candles from the back, calling out the scents, and handing them to waiting customers.  It was insane.  I was ready to turn around and leave, but one lady on her way out told us it wasn’t as bad as it looked.  I would beg to differ, but 40 minutes later, we had 7 candles and bath bombs for the boys as a reward for being such troopers.  We didn’t have time for lunch (luckily the boys had had a late breakfast) so we headed straight for haircuts.  The boys were wonderful once again, but even haircuts seemed to take long.  Then it was off to lunch and finally, around 4, we headed out to pick out our Christmas tree!  The first thing people ask when I say our tree is up is “real or fake?”.  Ha.  In previous years, we’ve gone the artificial route.   We had a pre lit tree that was beautiful and easy enough to put together.  Last year, we noticed that almost all of the pre-lights were out and had to buy extra lights.  We figured if we were doing that anyway, it’d be nice to get a real tree for a change.  So we headed to a local farm that we often visit during the fall.  S actually selected our tree and it is just perfect.  The boys had a blast running among the trees and I joked that I was going to drop them off every so often to burn off some energy.  

How cute is his trees romper?!?  I can't get enough!!

Of course, when we finally arrived home, W wanted to decorate.  He did such a good job, while S added a few ornaments, but mostly just played with his toy garbage trucks.  The tree is the most beautiful tree I’ve ever seen and it smells so good.  It was an incredibly full day, but also fun and the boys were wonderful throughout, despite getting to bed late.

Sunday, I was worn out.  FYI – Christmas trees are heavy!!  After church, we headed to a pancake breakfast with Nani, Papa, aunt, uncle, cousins, and Santa.  S devoured his pancakes and sausage and refused to sit on Santa (per usual).  W was really sweet and explained to Santa that he just wanted a garbage truck with a basket and an arm.  (Great – where do I find one that meets his expectations??)  Later he exclaimed “Oh no!”  When I asked what was wrong, he said he forgot to tell Santa he wanted a plastic garbage truck, not a metal one (Have I mentioned how detail oriented this child is?).  So we called Santa and left him a message where W also requested garbage cans and clothes.  I told him he was the only little boy I knew of who asked for clothes for Christmas.  He responded, “But you love clothes, mommy.”  So I think he might’ve requested them for me because he knows how much I enjoy choosing his outfits.  So sweet.  The rest of the day included grocery shopping, cleaning, raking leaves (A) and arguing with family… tis the season for family drama!

Friday, December 1, 2017

Friday Thoughts

Three cheers for Friday!!

Friday at our house means pizza and Live PD… bring it!!  Typing that made me think that we’ve set the bar pretty low – hopefully your Friday is more exciting. ;)

Our weather lately has been uncharacteristically warm.  We still need our coats, but 40 and 50 degree temps are always welcome in late November (and early December) in Chicago.  The boys have been spending as much time outdoors as possible before it gets too cold.

Our elf, Crispin, made an appearance this morning.  How many times will we mess up and forget to move him??  Time will tell…  As much of a pain as that darn elf is, the boys really enjoy him so we keep the tradition alive.

My latest Stitch Fix arrived yesterday and it’s another good one!  I’ll share soon!

If you saw my post yesterday and you're interested, I'm offering specials for the first twelve days of December.  Message me for details!

W has been making us laugh lately…

Listening to Christmas music.
Me: S, this song could be about you!  It’s called the Little Drummer Boy. (S likes to pretend play the drums when music is on)
W: S is retiring.  He only plays drums on Sundays now.


And this isn’t funny, but I got a kick out of it.  Yesterday I asked W if one of the parent helpers in his class had a child in the same class.  His response:

“I assume not, but when I have school on Monday, I can ask her just in case.” 

How old is he?!?  

Thursday, November 30, 2017

A Bit About Makeup

I’ve been using Lipsense for over a year now and I absolutely love it. So much so that I became a distributor and won’t use anything else.  I've never sold anything before and would never promote something I didn't love.

I've also tried the Senegence skin care products and loved them so much, I've been replacing products I've used for years with Senegence products.  I recently made a video to demonstrate Lipsense application because I was receiving quite a few questions about the product.  This is way out of my comfort zone, but thought I'd share for anyone else who's curious how it works. 

If you have any questions, please message me.  I love suggesting products and colors.  And if you're interested in placing an order:


Enter 446783 in the distributor code.

Monday, November 27, 2017

Thanksgiving Weekend Recap

I meant to post on Wednesday and time just got away from me.  Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving.  I loved having five days off from work and absolutely dreaded coming into the office today.  But gotta pay those bills so here I am. J

For the past three years, we’ve declared the day before Thanksgiving ‘Kindness Day’ and we’ve spent the day spreading kindness to others (you can read about last year's Kindness Day here, but it was very similar).  We continued that tradition this year.  We left treats in our mailbox for our mail carrier and left snacks out for our package deliverers (I do a lot of online shopping hence lots of deliveries).  Then, we headed to our favorite Starbucks.  We went through the drive thru and paid for the car behind us (they ordered croissants, which made me laugh, but hey, whatever makes you happy) and we left a tip for the baristas.  Next, it was off to Target.  We’d previously purchased seven $5 gift cards and the boys handed them out to unsuspecting shoppers.  After handing out five gift cards, I suggested we save the final two for our recycle man and garbage man.  S was so disappointed that he couldn’t hand out his final gift card, he started to cry.  We couldn’t have any crying on Kindness Day so we let S hand out his last gift card and picked up another for the recycle man. ;)  From there, we headed to the post office and sent overdue thank you cards and a few of the boys’ paintings to my aunt and a cousin (both of whom had previously sent treats for the boys).  We treated my mom to lunch at our favorite rotisserie chicken restaurant and we finished the day by dropping off some sleepers for my stylist who just adopted a baby girl.  As is always the case, we had a great day and hope we inspired others to complete a kind gesture.

Thursday, W and I prepared our famous mac and cheese.  Then, we all headed to Nani and Papa’s house for Thanksgiving.  The food was delicious, as always.  Apparently it was too delicious for S because he proceeded to have 4 helpings of turkey (ok, I’m partly to blame for filling his plate) and then puked.  Only my child.  Face palm.  Aside from that, it was a great time and a good reminder that we have so very much to be thankful for.  When I was tucking W into bed, he asked if God was a pilgrim and I thought it was an odd question.  A few days later it occurred to me that papa mentioned pilgrims in his prayer.  LOL.  Nothing gets passed W.  I was so tired (tryptophan perhaps) that I was in bed by 9:30.

Friday, my mom and I set out to do some shopping.  I do most of my shopping online, but my mom doesn’t even own a computer.  Crazy, right?  We always have fun shopping together and it’s been our tradition for as long as I can remember.  The mall wasn’t very crowded and I was pretty underwhelmed by our shopping experience, but still had fun hanging out with my mom.  While we were out, A hung Christmas lights outside.  We met A and the boys at a nearby pizza place for lunch.  The weather was really mild so once we got home, I took the boys for a walk while A did his vest.  After that, we did some long overdue cleaning and organizing and even started decorating for Christmas.  It was such a productive day.  I finally sat down after the boys went to bed and for some reason started watching Live PD – basically a live police show (like Cops, but better… yes, I’m showing my age).  Anyway, one of the police departments is very close to where we live so A and I kept watching to see if there was any crime near us – we were hooked.

Saturday, a trip to Target and more decorating and cleaning.  More Live PD.  Chinese food for lunch.. that’s about all I remember.

Sunday was our usual.  We caught up on This is Us and we’re only an episode behind!  Most days were spent sleeping in (until 7am).  Mornings were slow.  We enjoyed spending full days with the boys and catching up on tv once the boys were in bed.  A was able to do his vest during the day, which allowed us to spend extra time together watching programs, having conversations, and doing crossword puzzles after the boys went to bed.  I loved every minute.  I’m so looking forward to Christmas and more family time!

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Parent Teacher Conferences Part 2

After I posted about W's conference, I basically reprimanded myself for taking preschool conferences a little too seriously and focusing on the one negative that was brought up while I talked to W's teacher.  Does W need to work on writing and holding a pencil correctly?  Absolutely.  Does that mean he's way behind in school and I'm a failure?  No.

Part of my frustration centered around W being assessed on something he wasn't necessarily taught.  Both boys attend a play based preschool.  There is a curriculum and there are lessons, but the primary focus is on learning through play.  I could go on and on about why we chose this particular preschool, but that isn't the point of this post.  So while W may have picked up a pencil or a crayon in the art area, I don't know that direction was given on the proper way to hold those writing utensils.  And I'm fairly certain there was no direction given on drawing shapes or writing letters.

I also want to give Nani and my mom a ton of credit.  The preschool the boys attend is only half a day.  The other half of the day is spent with the boys' grandmas.  They play outside, they bake, they paint, they read, and the boys get a ton of individual attention.  So what they haven't learned in preschool, they've learned with Nani and Grandma.  It takes a village and Nani and Grandma deserve recognition for any successes the boys achieve.

My mom taught first grade for 38 years so I knew she'd be a great resource for me in regards to W's writing abilities.  W's teacher repeatedly mentioned his fine motor skills, but my mom and I don't think that's the problem.  W loves creating neighborhoods and playing 'garbage day'.  He places little 'garbage' pieces in bins.  He can button shirts.  He can use scissors without issue.  I think the real problem is holding writing utensils correctly and being able to manipulate them.  Once he can do that, he'll be able to write easily.  We've begun working on writing and we'll continue to do so.

Now, for the main point of this post... I'm rambling today.  I attended S's conference this morning.  I had to give myself a little pep talk before walking into the building.  "He's only 2.  Take any advice as a challenge and not a criticism.  Focus on the positives.  You already know S is doing great and thriving so don't take any concerns personally."

S also had an assessment based on his age.  I didn't think assessments were a thing at 2 years old, but apparently they are.  Well, I'm happy and incredibly proud to report that S did so well on his assessment, he won't be assessed for another year.  I think he was supposed to have a score of 62 and received an 89.  Phew!!  S has the same teacher W had for 2 years and she told me that A and I are great parents and it's reflected in our children.  I almost cried.  I'm so relieved and happy to be done with conferences for this half of the school year.

Also, I don't want it to sound like S is doing amazing and W is not.  Aside from the writing, W nailed everything else on his assessment.  I think once he starts learning more math, W's going to be inspired and more motivated and I look forward to him developing a love for learning.  I think he's ready for all the instruction and lessons that kindergarten will bring.

Monday, November 20, 2017

Weekend Recap

Not much to report from the weekend.

Saturday morning was great – A made breakfast, S and I read books in bed, and we stayed in our pajamas all morning.  It was so nice to ease into the day.  A decided to take the boys to a movie while I got a haircut.  I believe it was the first time he’s taken both W and S.  Nani took the boys to a movie over the summer, but I don’t think they made it through the entire movie.  They saw The Star and both boys really enjoyed it.  They ate nearly an entire tub of popcorn through the duration of the movie and I’m glad they all had fun.  I’m not much of a movie person so I’m happy A gets to enjoy movies with the boys.  While they did that, I got my hair cut and caught up with my stylist who just adopted the cutest baby girl.  She’s waited so long and I’m thrilled for her.

Sunday was the usual.  Both boys were so cranky/sassy/challenging/defiant.  I’m not sure if they have cabin fever or what was going on.  But several time outs later, bed time could not come soon enough.  I even threatened to text Santa.  Probably not the best threat, but I had had enough.  On the bright side, we got a lot done, I ordered several Christmas gifts, gathered some baby clothes and sleep sacks to take to my stylist, and A raked leaves, did laundry, and made a yummy dinner.  I’m excited for a short work week, but not so excited that I have a dentist appointment and A has conferences.

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Parent Teacher Conferences

This is the third (and final) year W will be in preschool and yesterday marked my fifth parent-teacher conference.  I’m assuming conferences in preschool are normal and W’s preschool takes them seriously.  Over the past 2+ years, I’ve come to dread conferences.  Yesterday’s started out like all of the previous conferences.  “Here are the results of W’s assessment.  He’s right on track in regards to his score, BUT…”.  I’m assuming preschool assessments are normal, but there is always a BUT in W’s case.  And it always gets me down and makes me feel like I failed him.  In the past, I’ve heard “he’s having trouble cutting and needs to work on his fine motor skills” or “he’s clumsy”.  So my mom found a cutting book in which he’d have to use scissors to cut a pattern and lo and behold he enjoyed it and mastered scissors use.  Yesterday’s BUT was “W’s fine motor skills are lacking and he is very behind in his writing abilities”.  The assessment included drawing shapes and W was unable to do so.  I already know that he doesn’t hold a pencil correctly and doesn’t show much interest in drawing or coloring.  I hadn’t been very concerned about it and just assumed that W wasn’t interested and would eventually master the skill.  And now I feel like I’ve failed him again.  Have preschool assessments always been a thing?!?  Because I’m not convinced I was assessed on my writing abilities as a 4 year old, but I digress…

I feel like these conferences fail to recognize all the amazing things W CAN do…  He understands time.  If I tell him that it’s 10 minutes to 10:00, he’ll say “so it’s 9:50?”  and if I tell him it’s 10:45, he’ll point out that there are 15 minutes until 11:00.  He knows every car make and while I recognize that this isn’t important in school, I think it’s impressive that he has picked up on the differences among cars.  He notices minute details.  He can count to 100 and recognizes several sight words.  He excels at puzzles and building.  He can look at something and recreate it.

W’s teacher did say that he was a great listener and a rule follower.  That he’ll point out when someone hasn’t followed the rules.  He always helps clean up and constantly looks for opportunities to help (he was cleaning up the class room as I spoke to his teacher).  He gets along with everyone.  He understands conversation and will wait for his turn to speak.  He has a large vocabulary. 

I’m sure he’ll master writing in time just as he mastered scissors.  We’ll work on writing shapes and letters and I’ll try to focus less on the shortcomings.

And you know what, at the end of the day, I’d much prefer my child to be kind and helpful as opposed to having perfect penmanship.  When did preschool become about assessments and meeting criteria anyway?

P.S.  S’s conference is next week… Lord help me…

Monday, November 13, 2017

Weekend Recap

We had lots of fun this weekend!!

My company sponsored a Corporate Day at the Museum of Science and Industry.  We arrived just before noon and started with the big farm tractor.  The boys loved sitting in it and pretending they were driving.  They also enjoyed the combine.  We soon made our way to the city setup with several model trains, a steam engine, and a trolley car.  We also saw baby chicks and finished with the Idea Factory (an area for kids with water, conveyors, gears, all sorts of hands-on fun).  I think the boys would’ve stayed all day if we’d let them.  

We stayed at the museum for about 4 hours and I was starving (and the museum was closing).  We purposely tried to avoid eating at the museum because the food is so expensive and not very good.  W really wanted to eat at a restaurant in Chicago for some reason.  Somehow, we convinced him that PF Chang’s was in Chicago (it’s in a northern suburb).  I was a little worried that the boys wouldn’t like anything, but I was also really tired of our usual chicken fingers and burgers options.  The boys ended up getting kids chicken and fried rice and ate really well.  I had chicken pad thai and A had chicken lo mein - everything was SO good!!  While there, this conversation happened:

A:  We have a nice view of the horse’s butt (there were large horse statues outside the restaurant).
W:  Daddy!  You’re not sposed to say that!  You can only say that in the potties!
A: laughing…
W:  I’m always right!  You must be res-petful!

Bahahahaha!!!  Calling this a parenting win!  And I guess A needs to work on his manners. ;)

We finished the day with a stop at Bath and Body Works.  My boys LOVE going here.  They have so much fun choosing bath bombs and hand soap, smelling the candles, and picking out pocket hand sanitizers (a must have in our house).  It was such a great day!

Sunday was our usual.  After Starbucks, Jane came over to watch the boys while A and I headed to The Melting Pot for a belated anniversary date.  I love, love, love that restaurant and I ate so darn much.  But my gosh, the fondue was so good.  A and I were at the restaurant for two hours – stuffing our faces and having great conversation.  

At one point, my mom called and I thought it was odd because we’d just seen her earlier in the day and she knew we were going out.  I honestly thought something might be wrong.  I called her back and she excitedly told me, “You’re not going to believe it… I won the boys a Power Wheels Jeep at the church raffle!”  I guess she had nonchalantly placed one of her raffle tickets in the Jeep drawing never expecting to win.  And my mom NEVER wins anything!  Also, I would never ever buy something like this for the boys.  We decided it’ll be a Christmas gift and I think they’re going to lose their minds.  I also fear one of them will get run over. :\  We shall see…  But they are going to absolutely love it.

We finished the date with grocery shopping where we enjoyed perusing the aisles without frequent bathroom trips and unlimited questions.  We even sampled wine cooler… because it seemed like a must do with no kids in tow.  Our night ended with football and a crossword puzzle.  I’m sad such a fun filled weekend had to come to an end. 

Friday, November 10, 2017

Friday Thoughts

Oh my gosh, it’s so cold!  I woke up to the first snow flurries of the season and 16 degree temperatures.  Fall, where did you go??  On the bright side, we had a fire in the fireplace last night and it felt so festive.

A and I have been spending several evenings lately working on crossword puzzles.  Yes, we are basically 70 years old and lead very exciting lives, obviously.

I got to attend W’s very first field trip on Wednesday.  We went to the local forest preserve and had a great time.  W’s little “girlfriend” even got to ride in our car and he loved having her join us.  Being able to attend made me wish I could work part time and spend more days with the boys.  It isn’t an option (sometimes being the primary breadwinner stinks), but I enjoyed having the morning off to go on an adventure with my oldest little man.

These photos make me so thankful for the area we live in - I love the change of seasons and we really need to visit our forest preserves more often.  So gorgeous!

Since the time change, W has been waking up early and has been incredibly cranky!  The past week was filled with many time outs and challenging days.  He finally slept until his usual time this morning so hopefully he’s back on track with sleep!

We have another busy weekend planned.  These are getting to be a bit overwhelming – we haven’t even found time to grocery shop lately!  But it should be another fun weekend.  We’re taking the boys to the Museum of Science and Industry tomorrow.  Work is offering free admission and we’re taking advantage.  I remember S puking in the car on the way home after last year’s museum trip so hopefully we won’t have a repeat of that!  On Sunday, A and I are going on a belated anniversary date!  I’m so excited!!

Happy weekending!!

Monday, November 6, 2017

Wedding Weekend Recap

We’re back from a whirlwind weekend!!

I meant to post last week, but things were a bit crazy.  I worked from home Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday and took a sick day on Wednesday so it’s my first time in the office in a week.  S had a virus that was more of a cough than anything else.  He was mostly fine during the day, but would cough hard at night and vomit.  Lots of laundry throughout the week!!  My brother-in-law got married on Saturday and I was so afraid Nani would get sick before the wedding so I stayed home with S on Wednesday.  It turned out to be a good thing – I only had one work meeting scheduled so I didn’t miss much, but it also gave me a chance to drop W off at school, spend a little extra time with my boys, and run a few errands.

Friday, A and I worked in the morning and then headed out to pick up tuxedos.  S fell asleep in the car so I waited with him while A and W went in to try on their tuxedos.  This ended up being a good thing because I was totally surprised when I saw the boys dressed up the following day.

From there, we headed towards central Illinois (I’m not even sure it counts as central IL since the city was a bit more north, but it certainly felt like central IL so that’s how I’m referring to it).  We arrived at our hotel in the middle of nowhere (ha!) and checked in.  We had to leave pretty quickly to get to the wedding rehearsal at a nearby Catholic church.  S was restless and ran around the church with his cousin, Tim.  Those two were having a ball.  W was good, but told us quite a few times that he was scared to be the ring bearer.  I know W is quiet and prefers not to be in the spotlight.  I’m the same way and could totally empathize.  A and I continually reassured him and went over his responsibilities.

After that, it was off to dinner with several family members and friends.  We didn’t leave until close to 8pm and the boys typically get ready for bed around 7:30pm so I was a bit nervous about how they’d behave the next day.

Saturday – wedding day!!  I got up to take a shower and mid shower, I realized that the bathroom was flooded!  I had towels and clothes on the floor and those were completely soaked.  I finished up my shower and once I was out, noticed our carpeting in the hotel room was even wet!  A called the front desk and the maintenance guy came to our room while I tried to get ready.  He mentioned that others had complained of a leak and it must be in the wall.  Why would the hotel continue to put people in that room knowing there was a leak?!?  A few minutes later, he brought us a key to a new room.  No upgrade, no discount, nothing.  Ridiculous.  It later occurred to me that W woke up coughing and now I'm wondering if there was mold in the room given the leak issues.  Gross.  We quickly moved all of our things to the new room and continued to get ready for the wedding.  My curling iron broke.  I somehow forgot S’s suit pants.  I might’ve acted like a crazy lady.  But somehow, we were all ready and looking decent in time for the wedding.  You guys, W was the cutest ring bearer I have EVER seen.  I know I’m biased.  But still…

We made it to the wedding early… yes!!  W was still nervous and I told A to be sure to talk to him before he had to walk down the aisle.  I know W always does best when he’s prepared and knows what to expect.  Sure enough, when it came time to walk down the aisle, he did so perfectly carrying his little ring bearer pillow.  And he looked so grown up and confident!!  I was incredibly proud of him!!  He was great during the wedding and with enough snacks, so was S!  The wedding was beautiful – I think Catholic weddings are the best (obviously biased) and before we knew it, it was over.

The guys stayed for photos.  Once those were done, we still had about 2 hours until the reception.  Because of the leaking room fiasco, the boys had eaten a late breakfast and didn’t have lunch before the wedding.  SO we decided to hit up a nearby pizza place.  I have to say, it was kind of fun entering a shabby pizza restaurant all dressed up.  And the pizza was delicious.

After pizza, we headed to the reception.  S fell asleep in the car so I waited for him to wake up while A and W went in to take more photos.  I had to change S’s shirt because pizza and white are not a good combination.  Soon it was time for the DJ to introduce the wedding party.  Again, I wasn’t sure how W would react and thought he’d end up walking in to the reception with A.  Nope.  He confidently walked into that crowded room as soon as he heard his name.  When did he get so big?!?

While everyone was conversing and waiting for dinner, W made his way to the dance floor and danced in front of everyone.  He was having a blast.  Again, when did he get so big and gain so much confidence?  I couldn’t be more proud of him.  And I really want to sign him up for a dance class because he was having so much fun.

A gave his best man speech and I was so impressed and proud of him too.  The speech was excellent, but A’s delivery was perfect.  I couldn’t even do a reading at mass because I get so nervous.  A on the other hand spoke easily and confidently with no notes.  And his speech was funny, sweet, and genuine.  Perfectly done.

We took photos in the photo booth, ate cupcakes, and danced until 2 hours passed the boys’ bedtime.  I got so many compliments on both boys and was even told motherhood suited me.  Extraordinarily sweet.  And now I’m so sad it’s all over.  A and I have attended so many weddings together.  About 30 of them.  But as we get older, there a less and less weddings to attend (because all of our friends are already married).  This was likely the only time both guys will be in a wedding together, which makes me sad.  BUT on the bright side, they both rocked their roles as best man and ring bearer.