Everyone Else is Pregnant

I debated whether or not to post this.  Often I'll write something just to get it out of my head.  A way to express myself without actually having to engage if you will (I'm a bit of an introvert) and I don't always publish what I write.  I certainly don't want to offend anyone and I don't want to give the impression that I'm unhappy or ungrateful - I'm not.  But I do have moments of sadness and this blog is MY space.  Ultimately, I decided to share my thoughts because I know there are others who can relate...


It feels like nearly every friend/relative is pregnant right now (at least 5 ladies that I can think of!).  Even quite a few bloggers I follow have recently announced pregnancies.  I’m having a tough time with all of the announcements lately.  (Not to the point where I'd stop talking to people or unfriend them... ahem.  I've experienced that firsthand.)  I’m not exactly sure why I'm feeling down.  It’s not like I haven’t heard my fair share of pregnancy announcements over the years.  I’m happy for friends and family.  I really, truly am.  And I know I’ve come out on the winning end of infertility because I have two perfectly amazing boys who bring me more joy than I ever imagined.

So why am I sad?

People have asked me if I feel like I missed out because I’ve had two c-sections instead of a natural birth.  My answer: No.  Absolutely not.  Not at all.  The births of the boys were perfect and my recovery went relatively smoothly post c-sections.  I’m a little curious what a natural birth would be like, but I certainly don’t feel like I missed out on anything. 

I’ve also been asked if I feel like there’s a void because I don’t have a girl.  Again my answer is no way.  Not at all.  When I found out W was a boy, I was a little nervous because I’m so girly.  I don’t like getting dirty.  I hate bugs.  I don’t do camp outs, video games, or super heroes.  I haven’t even seen Star Wars… GASP.  But I quickly learned that none of that matters.  Because I can make a toy car zoom, build towers, draw doggies, make play dough stars, build garages out of Magna Tiles, and read all the best books.  And I can do all those things in a single day!! :)  W doesn’t care about the things I’m not interested in or don’t do – he’s only concerned with the activities I excel at - and I can build some pretty amazing garages if I do say so myself.  And S.  My smiley, content baby boy.  Always willing to go with the flow and up for trying any new food I place on his tray.  I wouldn’t trade him for the world.

I do wonder what the future will hold as the boys age.  I talk to my mom nearly every day and I don’t envision the boys wanting to discuss the Oscar dresses or the cute shoes I found, but hopefully they’ll still want to spend a little time with mom when they’re grown.  And I’m ridiculously excited for little league sports.

But there is something I feel like I missed out on.  And that is conceiving naturally.  IVF was always our only option.  An option I’m so thankful for.  But I do wish we could have a baby without all the monitoring, medications, and shots.  And every time someone announces a surprise pregnancy, it stings.  They weren’t even trying for a baby and they got one??  I have no idea what that would be like.  Yet some people endure SO many IVF cycles.  And many times they aren’t even successful.  It just makes no sense to me.  I’ve also had quite a few ladies tell me that they wouldn’t have pursued IVF if they couldn’t get pregnant on their own.  Although they don’t mean it to be offensive, it does hurt my feelings.  It’s a personal choice I know.  But in a weird way, I feel like it implies my efforts weren’t worth it or that they weren't willing to try that hard.  And unless you're in a situation where IVF is your ONLY option for expanding your family, you really can't say how you'll feel about it.

Anyway.  I think the hardest part of all the pregnancy announcements is knowing that we likely won’t have more children.  Not because we don’t want more, but because we don’t want to endure another IVF cycle.  Insurance won’t cover it and I think my body has had enough.  Not to mention the heartache that comes with a failed cycle.  And the thought of no more sweet babies in our future hurts.  And I feel guilty/ridiculous/greedy/selfish just typing that because I know so many are still in the trenches of infertility.  I’m actually one of the lucky ones.  Ugggh.

Apologies for such an emotional post on a Friday.  I wrote a related post on this and I’ll share it soon…

8 Years

8 years ago, I married my better half.  I would've never imagined we'd be where we are today and I'm so grateful for every blessing.  Here's to many more years of happiness.

Weekend Recap

Our weekend was really busy and exhausting.

Saturday night, I worked at an auction with my mom.  We do this every year and I remember mentioning it in previous post.  I always enjoy volunteering at the event, but it means lots of time on my feet and I don’t arrive home until after 10:30pm.  It’s always great to see the same familiar faces and exchange hugs and stories throughout the night.  This particular auction was one of my favorites because I came home with two awesome prizes that I am ridiculously excited about!!  One is a wine tasting for up to 16 people.  Too bad I don’t have many friends and the few I do have are pregnant, but hoping for a fun night with family!  The other is a ride to preschool on a fire truck for W!!  The fire truck will pick him up at our house and drop him off at preschool!!  Can you believe that?!?  I may be more excited than he is.

The rest of the weekend consisted of walks outside, a haircut, raking leaves, trying to clean up the house only to have it messy again within 5 minutes, church, Starbucks, grocery shopping, and other things that I’m forgetting…

OH!!  And guess which 8 month old finally got some teeth!  His two bottom teeth finally poked through over the weekend. :)

Stitch Fix #4

Stitch Fix numero quatro arrived on Friday.  I actually peeked at the website before opening my box and was a little disappointed.  But then when I tried on the items, I liked them more than I thought I would.

First up was the Market & Spruce Chaplin Lined Hooded Anorak Jacket.  That's a mouthful.  I had this pinned, but didn't plan on keeping it because I had just gotten a jacket in my last fix.  BUT I kind of have a weak spot for cute jackets.  I told myself that if this was any color, other than army green, I was sending it back.  Lo and behold, it was army green.  Also, it was lined and had a hood.  Two things that seem to be harder to find than they should be, but are necessary for autumn in Chicago.  At the end of the day, I just liked this too much not to keep it.  It was the perfect weight - not light, but not too heavy either.  Note my favorite red headed toddler making a guest appearance!

He's a way better model than I am!

Verdict: KEPT

Next up was the Dean Skinny Jean and Daniel Rainn Waltie Black Lace Panel Blouse.  The jeans had a little zipper at the ankle and upon seeing it, my initial reaction was no thanks.  But then I changed my mind and decided I really liked that added detail.  However, after wearing these pants for a bit, I realized I had to keep pulling them up.  So these had to go back.  Normally anything Daniel Rainn is an automatic keeper for me, but I just didn't love this blouse.  I love floral patterns, but this pattern was a bit much and I wasn't sure about the dark color.  It did have a really cute lace panel down the back that I loved.  I may regret not keeping it.

Verdict RETURNED pants and RETURNED blouse

Then it was time for the Colourworks Syriana Open Drape Cardigan.  I really liked the texture/material of this one, but that's the only positive thing I can say.  It was just wrong for me.  Too long and just too big.  I felt like it was swallowing me.

Verdict: RETURNED

Finally, the 41Hawthorne Ahoy Lace Panel Knit Top.  This is so me.  I loved it.  I wish it was a little longer, but I wore a cami under it and problem solved. Stripes and lace - yes and yes.  It may not look all that flattering in the picture, but I don't care.  Knit tops like this are perfect for working at home or errands with the boys.

Verdict: KEPT

So there you have it.  Once again, I was really happy with my Fix.  Also, props to me for getting out the camera once again! And I didn't even chop off part of my head in these pics!! ;)

As always, if you're considering trying Stitch Fix, I'd be so grateful if you used my referral code! https://www.stitchfix.com/referral/5478084

Weekend Recap

Well, it was a pretty depressing weekend in the world of Chicago sports.  Definitely not how I was hoping to start the week.  Let’s just move on before I shed a tear… L

There were some high points this weekend.  We had family pictures on Saturday.  Yes, we just took pictures not too long ago.  I guess I’m a glutton for punishment.  But I wanted a family photo that we could use for our Christmas cards and the ones we had taken on that 90 degree day a couple months ago just didn’t say Christmas to me.  I felt silly scheduling another photo session after the horrendous session last time, but A assured me that I would never regret having too many photos, but I may regret not having them taken.  I love that husband of mine.  He’s a wise one.  So alas, we set out to a little canoe launch just down the street.  It wasn’t my favorite setting, but it was about 5 minutes from home.  On the bright side, there were no tears or meltdowns.  On the downside, the morning started off in the 30 degree range and I’m fairly certain there will be no photos in which the boys are both looking at the camera.  I guess that’s just how photo sessions with little ones go.

The remainder of the day was spent trying on my Stitch Fix items (more on that in an upcoming post) and grocery shopping.  W and S both took long naps that actually overlapped for about 45 minutes!!

Sunday was our usual.  A and I went to a baby shower and it was fun to catch up with friends even though we could only stay for a short time.  I made chili in the crock pot.  Yum!  Nothing says fall like a pot full of chili!  And that was pretty much our weekend.  W has always loved to help, but he’s been exceptionally helpful recently.  He made cookies with Nani on Friday, raked leaves with daddy yesterday, and then helped me make chili.

Friday Thoughts (mostly on fashion)...

Oh Friday, where have you been all my life??

My 4^th Stitch Fix is arriving today.  I had planned on postponing it for a week or two, but we have family photos coming up so I thought I’d see if there was anything picture worthy in this fix.  I peeked at my box online and first impression is I’m not very excited about the contents of this box.  Maybe I’ll change my mind when I see the items in person.  I’d like to say I’m going to take real photos of this Stitch Fix but the chances of that are slim to none. :\

Speaking of clothes, I ordered a plaid top and was super super excited about layering it under sweaters and cardigans.  I could not wait to receive it!  And then I did and I didn’t like it.  Boo.  I hate when that happens.  Such a letdown.  It just didn’t fit well – too big, thicker than I expected, etc.  I’ll be sending that one back.  Very disappointed.

I guess my thoughts are all focused on apparel today.  I LOVE fall clothing.  Remember that striped dress I got from my 3rd stitch fix?  I thought it would look cute with a jean jacket… and I was right!  I used to have one, but never wore it so I must have donated it.  I should have known better!  A jean jacket never really goes out of style.  Anyway, I borrowed this one from my mom and it was a bit big (strange because my mom actually wears a smaller size than I do).  But still a cute outfit.

Nothing special about this outfit, but it felt really fall. :)  Side note:  When I don't have time to blow dry my crazy hair straight, I just throw it up in a loose bun and call it good (like I did in the photo below).  My coworker just asked if I had my hair styled for an event.  LOL!!  If only my life were that glamorous.

In non fashion news, I'm attending a baby shower this weekend for a friend who went through IVF.  Her IVF cycle failed and then she got pregnant naturally!  Love stories like that!

W absolutely loves to help.  This morning, we went to the pantry and grabbed a Nutrigrain bar, unzipped my lunch bag, put the Nutrigrain bar in, and zipped it back up.  He wanted to make sure I had my breakfast.  Then he grabbed my purse and pump bag, walked me to the door, and opened the door for me.  Such a gentleman!  As I was pulling out of the drive way, I saw him at the window waving to me.  Adorable.  I love that little guy so much.

Cheers for Friday!!  And GO CUBS GO!!!

W Says...

This toddler stage is such a whirlwind (for lack of a better word).  There are times when W is just so much fun and the things he says are hilarious.  And then there are other times when he’s throwing a tantrum and he doesn’t even know why he’s upset.  Anyway, W’s been saying some really amusing things lately that I don’t want to forget…

He tells me quite often, “W buy mommy a yellow car.”  I’m not sure where this came from or why he says it, but fingers crossed that it’s a sports car!

Often says, “Put S down!” and “S, go away!”  And if I ask where he wants S to go, W will say the aker-bee (which translates to bakery).

His favorite color is purple (right now).

Pronounces barricade “carri-cade”.

Has an unhealthy obsession with air conditioners.  Again, I can’t explain it.  But he points out every one in the neighborhood and wants to know if each one is on.  He was pretty thrilled when the heat turned on at school today?

Loves to look down sewer grates to see if there’s water at the bottom.

Tells me he’s HANGRY.

Lately he’s obsessed with names.  When we’re on a walk, he’ll ask each person with a  dog what their dog’s name is.  He constantly asks me the names of the kids in his class.  He asks A what his students' names are and also asks grandma what her CCD students' names are.  Today he asked his teacher what her kids’ names are.