We're Back

We’re back from vacation.  It was so great to get away, but I’ve had a really difficult time since returning.  Being home reminds me that Addie is no longer with us.  She was such a presence and always, always by my side.  As soon as I walked in the door, she was there.  When I got out of the shower, she was waiting for me.  She sat next to me every time I worked from home.  She even slept in the same bed.  I miss her terribly.  And her loss is exaggerated by the previous losses I’ve experienced in the past year.  I feel like I'm not just mourning the loss of Addie, but of the baby that will never be, my previous job, and my brother all at once and the pain is real and exponential.

Returning to work has only made me feel worse.  I interviewed for a new job the day before we left for vacation.  The timing couldn't have been worse.  BUT I left the interview feeling like it went really well, like the job would be a great fit and a big step up for me.  Even one of the interviewers said he hoped he'd see me again and my resume was really impressive.  Annnd I didn't get the job.  From what I can gather, it was between me and another candidate and the other candidate was made an offer based on specific experiences.  So even more disappointment and I'm incredibly unmotivated in my current job.  I need to write a separate post on work woes to capture everything that's happened, but suffices to say I'm having a tough time with EVERYTHING.  I just don't even want to try anymore because everything results in disappointment. 

ANYWAY. I’m so thankful for a vacation that allowed me a brief break from reality.  The vacation couldn't have come at a better time.

We arrived in Maryland on Thursday evening and my aunt had fruity cocktails waiting.  A perfect start to vacation!  My uncle grilled chicken for dinner (seasoned with several different rubs), there was corn on the cob, and several salads – so yummy.  The boys were totally in their element exploring the house, new toys, and running through the giant yard.

Friday, we mostly relaxed, played in the pool, and prepared to leave the following day for New York City.