Friday, December 13, 2013

Thoughts on overcoming infertility and friendship

I’m not doing Friday Favorites today because I didn’t have time to prepare anything.  Instead I’m just going to share what’s been on my mind.

Wednesday was a rough day (as you could tell from my post), but each day has gotten a little better.  Lack of sleep really impacts my mood <obviously>.  I’m still sad that I’ve lost some friends along the way.  In the end, I have a wonderful family who is always there for me and that’s all that really matters.  After my post on Wednesday, I got a message from the friend expecting twins.  He basically said that he and his wife consider me a friend, but that his wife had to “unfriend” me on FB because they were having trouble conceiving and looking at the baby pictures I posted was too hard.  If you’re keeping count, that’s two really good friends who’ve unfriended me because I had a baby.

I’ve thought about what he said.  And I’ve thought about my friendship with this couple and here’s what I think.  1.  If you consider me a good friend, I still don’t think I should’ve found out you were expecting via social media.  2.  If you consider me a good friend, you should’ve explained why you were unfriending me BEFORE doing so, not months AFTER the fact.  I at least deserved a “heads up”, an explanation.  3.  The whole “unfriending” thing seems very, I don’t know, junior high-ish?  And finally:

I’ve been on both sides.  I’ve been the one struggling to conceive and the one feeling hopeless and lonely after a failed IVF.  I’ve also been able to overcome those struggles and I’ve been blessed with a perfect baby boy.  While I was struggling, it was hard to hear about other pregnancies and see baby pictures.  But in the end, I knew that those expectant moms weren’t taking something away from me.  Their success had nothing to do with my struggles.  Hiding them, unfriending them wasn’t going to change anything.

I post a lot of pictures and updates about my family on social media.  And I feel like those who unfriend me and then don’t stay in contact with me really have no idea what’s going on in my life.  They don’t know what we’ve been up to, they don’t know what W has accomplished lately, they don’t know anything.  And if they don’t care to know my life lately, then what kind of friend does that make them?

IVF is HARD.  I’ve been there.  I’ll go through it again.  When I finally found success, it seemed like I was chastised and pushed away.  That’s just not fair.  Having a baby doesn’t mean all those infertility struggles are gone and forgotten.  I feel like overcoming infertility should be celebrated.  So why am I being punished?

And are these “friends” expecting me to attend their baby showers?  Am I supposed to act like everything is fine once they have their babies?  Because I don’t think I can do that.  I’m a good person <for the most part>, but not that good…

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