Monday, January 13, 2014

Some Days I Fail as a Mom

Did the weekend really go by THAT fast?!?  W’s birthday party was Saturday and it was perfection.  As in it could not have gone any better.  It was exactly what I hoped it would be… and more.  It was the perfect celebration of my perfect little man.  And I will write about it.  But at the moment, something else is on my mind.

As I’ve mentioned far too many times, W’s actual birthday is really close to Christmas – 12/20.  I had planned on having 1 year photos taken of him, but with all the holiday busyness and birthday party planning, I kinda pushed scheduling his photos to the end of my <never ending> to do list.  When I contacted the photographer a week ago, she only had 3 dates available in January.  And only one of those dates worked for us.  That date happened to be yesterday.  The day after W’s birthday party.

I knew the shoot would be challenging because W doesn’t sit still <or stand still> for more than 0.35 seconds.  The shoot being the day after his party was just asking for trouble.  But it was the only date available so I went with it.  Well, W was scared of the photographer.  No matter what noises she made or how many times she tried to talk to him and soothe him, he was just not having it.  He wanted his mom.  I’d sit him down and he’d immediately reach for me or crawl to me.  Even holding his hand or sitting him on my leg wasn’t working.  He just wanted mom to hold him.  I should’ve prefaced this my mentioning that I hardly slept the night before.  W woke up a couple times, we ended up bringing him into our bed so he would calm down and fall back asleep, and then the dog wanted to sleep on me – because clearly a doggy bed and a doggy cot and several soft chairs and couches are not enough.  SO anyway, after I tried to sit W down and tie his stupid birthday hat on his head for what felt like the 1,295,204,607th time, I was so so frustrated.  And exhausted.  Picking up 25 pounds every couple seconds totally wears a person out!  I was disappointed, annoyed, and irritated.  We hadn’t gotten the pictures I was hoping for and I felt like I was doing all the work (which I wasn’t, but in the midst of the chaos, that’s how I felt).  I just wanted to cry.

And then I got home, sat down for a bit, had some lunch, took a shower (I do my best thinking in the shower) and realized I was being an idiot.  Instead of being frustrated with the photo session, I should’ve been grateful.  W reaching out for me and needing to be near me only meant that he loves me and feels safe with me.  He just needed to know that his mom was there for him.  That his mom would protect him.  And instead of being so focused on capturing the perfect picture, I should’ve been focused on him.  Besides, staged photos are cute and all, but the real life photos the photographer was able to capture will definitely be more representative of my sweet little man.

So here’s to appreciating the sweet moments hidden in the chaos. J

And also, because the session was such a disaster, the photographer gave me a discount… so there’s that.  Maybe W was just trying to be frugal. ;)

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