Tuesday, February 21, 2017

After FET

It's been two months since our failed FET.  I'm not sure what possessed me to do it, but shortly after our failure, I reviewed my benefits and found that insurance should cover another round of IVF.  At this moment in time, I can't imagine going through IVF again.  An associated (major) factor is that A would have to have another TESE performed.  We both thought we were done having children and chose to discard the remaining vials of frozen sperm (it was also very pricey to store them).  And then we both admitted that we felt like our family wasn't quite complete and wanted another child.  What is wrong with us??  When the first TESE was performed, A had not been diagnosed with CFRD and was not taking insulin.  I've read studies that suggest diabetes/insulin can have grave affects on sperm DNA, but I'm obviously not a doctor and have no idea how accurate these studies are.

During a lunch outing, I mentioned the possibility of IVF to A, but explained that it would be really difficult pursuing another round for several reasons.  To be clear, I often still feel that our family isn't complete and would happily welcome another baby.  But as I told A, it's really hard to ignore all the signs.  I mean, if we were meant to have another child, would it really be this difficult??  Wouldn't we have held on to those frozen vials a bit longer?  Shouldn't our FET have been successful if we were meant to be a family of five?  Shouldn't we have had more frozen embryos to work with?  When I brought it up to A, he said, "Maybe don't think of it that way.  Maybe there are no signs.  Think of it as if we want another child, this is what we have to do.  We have to take further steps."  Very big steps.  And I don't think I can ignore the perceived signs.  I've always been a believer in signs.  All the while, my biological clock is tick tick ticking away.  I could handle the injections, the procedures, the medications again.  It wouldn't be easy, but I could do it.  However, I don't think my heart can handle another failure.


  1. I'm so sorry - I can merely imagine how hard this must be. :( I understand what you mean about signs but I also believe we were given these amazing medical advances and sometimes things may not be easy but it doesn't necessarily mean it isn't meant to be. Hugs, mama. Take care of yourself.

    1. Thanks, Danielle! I appreciate your perspective! :)