Tuesday, October 15, 2013

How do you know... ??

Last week I mentioned that we have an appointment in a few weeks to meet with a new RE for IVF 3.  I’m struggling with the idea of changing REs and I hope the decision becomes clear after meeting with the new RE.  I’m also really struggling with knowing when to try again.  How do you know when to add another child to your family?  I understand that no one really knows when or if it will happen, but how do you know when to start trying for another baby?

If money weren’t an issue (ha - money is ALWAYS an issue), I’d head to the nearest fertility clinic tomorrow. J  I love being a mom and I’d love for Baby W to have a sibling(s).  But obviously, it’s a lot more complicated than that.  IVF sucks.  It does.  I’m thankful that it exists, but the emotional toll it takes is really tough to deal with.  I need to figure out how to become less emotionally invested.  Not to mention all the needles, doctor’s appointments, procedures, expenses.  Then there’s the issue that if we are fortunate enough to get pregnant, we have to move.  We live in a two bedroom townhouse.  I loved it when we moved in.  I still love it and I love our neighborhood.  But there is no way I’m going to make Baby W share his teeny tiny room.  It just doesn’t seem fair to have a new baby and a toddler in the same bedroom.  We are out of space.  But given the current state of the housing market and the fact that our house is likely “underwater”, moving is going to be really difficult.  I’d love for Baby W to have a sibling close in age.  I think they’d be the best of friends.  I’m absolutely convinced I’m only capable of having boys and I think Baby W would be an amazing big brother.  But given our history, it may take several rounds of IVF to achieve a pregnancy, IF we’re even able to get pregnant.  So perhaps the sooner we get started, the better?  But then again, if the first round happens to work, are we ready to move?  Not really.  I’m so torn.  I’m keeping faith that God has a plan for us and all will work out… I just wish I knew what that plan was. ;)

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