I hesitated to write this, let alone post it. But I think it’s important for moms to share real stories – not just their victories, but the tough times as well. All too often we paint an idealized Pinterest worthy picture of our lives and our children and it’s just not REAL. It may be real in that moment in time, but in the grand scheme of things, life is messy, children are really messy, mistakes are made. So here goes…
I’ve had a bit of a rough week. I’m fighting my second cold in a month. The boys and A are both getting over colds and it appears I caught the second one from them. Or I got the same cold twice? I don’t think that’s possible, but who knows. W has also had a few rough nights in the sleep department (per usual). It seemed like we were making progress with him and then the progress stalled and I’m not sure what to do. It seems like we’ve tried everything. So after not sleeping well and not feeling well, I was attempting to prepare W’s breakfast yesterday. I laid S on our love seat – he likes to stare at the stars we have hung on the wall and I proceeded to help W into his high chair. I put the tray on and then heard a little thump followed by crying. I immediately knew what had happened and ran to the love seat where baby S was now on the (carpeted) floor. I started crying as I checked S. The love seat cushions are about a foot and a half from the floor. He didn’t fall far and stopped crying quickly, but I was shaken and felt awful. I knew I had made a stupid mistake. S doesn’t roll yet so I thought he’d remain stationary on the couch, but obviously he had managed to scoot himself off. He was fine, but I was not. On a lighter note, W was completely oblivious to the incident and happily watched Daniel Tiger while eating his bagel.
The remainder of the day was also tough. Both boys were good, but it seemed like they always needed something at the same time. When W was ready for lunch, S wanted a bottle. When I was holding S, W wanted to be picked up. When S was sleeping, W wanted to play loudly. That continued on an on. At one point, W told me he was tired and wanted to nap. Umm, ok?!? That never happens. I took W to his bed and told him to rest for a bit. I knew he wouldn’t stay in bed, but I hoped he’d entertain himself while I gave S a bottle. He entertained himself by screaming and peeling the stickers off of his sticker chart. The sticker chart I made to celebrate the nights he sleeps well. He also recently put stickers up for using the potty. When I saw those stickers on the floor, ripped up, it broke my heart. As stupid as it sounds, the chart was for me as much as it was for him – a reminder that we did in fact have good nights (even if there were just a few). Those scattered sticker pieces so symbolic of our most recent night and day.
I just felt like one big failure. There were great moments. We played outside for about 3 hours, met neighbors, and both boys napped at the same time - it was only a brief overlap, but that always makes me feel like super mom. Except yesterday, it didn’t. Because I still felt horrible.
Last night, there were 4 wake ups between the boys. I couldn’t find my keys this morning. Today isn’t off to a much better start.
But I know things could be worse. And I’ll never leave S on a raised surface alone again.