A Day in my Life

It’s been a long, exhausting week.  With A back at school, I knew it would be.  But I’ve also had Irish and German colleagues in town which means hours upon hours of meetings and extra-long work days.  Although the meetings have been very productive and my colleagues are great, I’m ready for the week to be over.  I’m just physically and mentally drained.  Here’s a little glimpse into an average day in my life…

5:15 ~ Wake up and drag myself out of bed to start getting ready for the day.

6-6:30 ~ W wakes up.  Give him some orange juice and try to continue getting ready while W pulls on my shirt, demands to be picked up every 5 minutes, and refuses to play with toys until it’s time to leave.  He also brings me various things that he knows are mine – hairbrushes, cell phone, rollers, shoes, makeup.  By this time, the bathroom is a mess. J

7-7:15 ~ Leave the house.

8-8:30 ~ Arrive at work.  My commute is between 45 minutes and 1 hour 15 minutes depending on traffic and if I drop off W.

8:30-5+ ~ Work. :P

6 ~ Arrive home and help get dinner on the table/prepare W’s dinner, eat, clean up.

7 ~ Play with W.  Usually books or flash cards.  He loves watching cell phone videos of himself so sometimes we do that too. J

7:30 ~ Hop in the shower (I’m weird and shower at night – no time to dry hair in the morning).

8 ~ Start getting W ready for bed which includes: diaper change, pajamas, sometimes a book, and bottle.  Yes, he still gets one bottle at bedtime – it’s part of our routine and considering his inconsistent sleep, I’m afraid to  change it.

8:30 ~ A gives W his bottle while I make my lunch, pick up toys, blow dry my hair.

9:15 ~ Maybe get about 15 minutes to check email, Facebook.

9:30 ~ Start getting ready for bed.

Yeah, I’m worn out.  Is this a typical schedule because I feel like other people have some down time?  I can't even tell you the last time I watched a tv show and I think it's been years since I've seen a movie.  And don’t get me started on Tuesday.  I had a work dinner so I was gone from 7am-10pm.  I need a vacation… and I miss caffeine.

As I was trying to figure out how I was going to get ready for work and entertain a toddler at the same time, W wandered off to his room.  He was too quiet so I went to check on him and found him reading.  Melt my heart.

16 Weeks With Baby #2

How far along? 16 weeks

Size? Baby is the size of an avocado.

Maternity Clothes? Yes.  And I'm already tired of them.  I hate spending money on maternity clothes, but I've picked up a couple tops recently because I needed some variety.

Weight Gain? Not sure and I'm ok with not knowing.

Gender? According to the Verifi blood test, IT'S A BOY.  Another sweet little boy and we are thrilled.  Momma knew all along.

Sleep? Pretty good - except when W wakes up in the night.  He's getting over a cold and always seems to wake up when that happens.  Hoping to avoid cold germs as much as possible as we head into fall.

Movement? I think I've felt baby a few times, but nothing consistent.

Food Cravings? I allow myself one small Carmel Frappe from McDonald's each week and they are heavenly.

Labor signs? Way too early.

What I Miss? Chicago style hot dogs and deli sandwiches still.  And margaritas.  Any my energy.  It's coming back, but I still get tired so easily.

Symptoms? Feeling good lately.  Just the occasional headache and sore back, but can't really complain.

Happy or Moody? Happy!

Best Moment of the Week? Finding out #2 is a boy!  More progress on the house.  We took W to an indoor play place at the mall and he had a blast.  Mom had a blast watching him run around.

Looking forward to? Feeling more movement from baby, our fantasy football draft party (yes, we're nerds), fall (my favorite season!!).

This is a really horrible picture.  I had A take a phone pic after a long day of work.  Well, my phone has a tendency to make pictures really blurry - maybe something on the lens.  Somehow black and white looked less blurry.  I promise the next one will be better... and maybe I'll even wear shoes!  On the bright side, the blurry/darkness makes me look really thin so that's a win. ;)

IVF #3 - June

6/2/2014 - This weekend was nothing short of amazing.  I decided to take a hpt on Friday morning - 5dp5dt.  I had one expired FRER test left over from W so I figured why not take it, it was going to go in the trash anyway.  I took and it was negative.  Clearly negative.  I was disappointed, but I knew it was really early. I set the test aside and went about my day.  That night, I went to throw the test away and noticed an extremely faint second line.  So faint, you had to squint to see it, but it was there.  I wasn't sure what that meant.  Could there still be hcg in my system from the trigger?  The test was way expired so maybe it wasn't working?  It was several hours past the time I was supposed to read it so I knew it wasn't accurate.

I decided to take another test on Saturday morning (6dp5dt).  Took the test and it was positive!!!  Faint, but definitely positive.  I decided I'd take another the following day and then tell A.  I wanted to make sure these results were real and I hoped the line would be a little darker.  That same day, A and I found out that our offer for a house was accepted!!!  I couldn't believe it.  So much good news in one day!!

Sunday morning, 7dp5dt, I took another test.  Faint positive.  But it wasn't darker than my previous test and I was worried.  It actually looked like the line was lighter.  Everything I read on Google (big mistake) said this was a bad sign.  I was worried and decided I'd take another test that night (a little crazy, yes).  Sunday night, another test.  Clearly positive and much darker than the morning's test.

I'm happy and excited, but still nervous.  I know we have a LONG way to go.  Blood test is tomorrow.  Hoping for good numbers. :)

6/3/2014 - Today was my blood test!  I'm awaiting results and hoping the numbers look good.  I asked the clinic to leave a detailed message so that A and I could hear the results together.  If they're not good, I want him nearby and if they are good, well, I want him to hear the news when I do.  I'm nervous!  And I continue to hate those stupid PIO shots.  Last night's hurt.  I actually cried. :(

6/4/2014 - I received two phone calls from the clinic yesterday.  That made me nervous.  Why would they call twice?  I specifically told them I wanted to listen to the results with my husband.  I waited all day to listen to those messages, wondering what the numbers were, hoping they were good.  Finally, I arrived home at 5:45 and A and I listened to the message immediately.  "Congratulations, your test came back positive.  Please give us a call back."  That was it.  No numbers.  No details.  I was so so disappointed.  The next message just asked that I call back.  It was such a let down after waiting all day, expecting to hear the hcg levels.  So I called first thing this morning and got ahold of a nurse right away.  My hcg level was 120 at 9dp5dt.  The nurse said they wanted it to be over 50 so good news!  Such a relief.  I go back Friday to have my hcg level checked again.  Hopefully, that number doubles.

6/11/2014 - Friday (6/6/2014), I went in for another blood draw.  When the clinic hadn't called my 1:00 pm, I was nervous.  Doesn't the good news always come early in the day and they bad news late?  That's been my experience.  So by 3:30 I was scared out of my mind that something was wrong.  The clinic closed by 4 so I decided to call them just after 3:30.  All was good and my hcg level was 370.  I was so relieved.  I don't go back until 6/23/14, which seems like forever.  In the meantime, I've been traveling for work, fighting allergies or a cold, and I'm worn out. :P

6/12/2014 - So it already happened.  The administrative assistant asked if I was wearing a loose shirt for a reason.  I'm 5 weeks.  5.  It's sooo early.  And I wasn't ready for that question.  I simply said no and walked away as quickly as possible.  I think I'm mostly bloated because of the progesterone shots (which still suck), but oh.my.gosh.  Also for documentation sake, I had "symptoms" throughout the two week wait - lower back pain, mild cramping, bloating.  But these could have easily been progesterone related.  The two biggest signs that I was pregnant were more noticeable veins and an overall achy feeling.  I had that achy feeling while I was pregnant with W.

6/25/2014 - I don't even know where to begin.  I haven't updated in awhile.  A was hospitalized, I had an awful business trip, life has been stressful.  But things are well with baby W #2.  I had an ultrasound on Monday (6/23) and we were able to see one baby and baby's heartbeat.  It was wonderful and exciting.  It's still very early so I'm trying not to get too excited, but I'm happy.  And I have an end date for those yucky PIO shots!  3 weeks and counting!!  Oh, that reminds me... I had to give myself a shot when A was in the hospital.  Incredibly difficult and painful.  But I survived.  Anyway, I continue to be achy, tired, and a little nauseous, but I actually like it because it's a reminder that I'm pregnant. <3

Prenatal Testing

During my first pregnancy, I did most of the prenatal testing that was available.  This time around, I planned to do the same.  I like to be prepared and if something was wrong with baby, I wanted to know.  I elected to do the Verifi test this time.  It’s relatively new and wasn’t available during my first pregnancy.  It tests for Trisomy 13, 18, and 21 as well as abnormalities associated with the sex chromosomes.  To be completely honest, the reason I chose this test is because it can tell you baby’s gender.  And it can tell you much earlier than an ultrasound.  For someone with 0 patience, it seemed like a great option.

I had the blood test done two weeks ago.  And for the most part, I was excited and focused on finding out the gender.  And then last week, it hit me.  What if the test results come back abnormal??  And since then, I’ve been freaked out and thinking maybe I shouldn’t have done the test.  I hate waiting for results.  At least with the ultrasound, you know results right away.

So I checked the Verifi website and it says results should arrive back to your healthcare provider in 3-6 days.  What?!?  I’ve waited nearly 2 weeks.  So I finally gathered the courage to call the doctor’s office and ask if the results were in.  The receptionist said she’d have someone call.  My phone rang and I got nervous.  The nurse explained that my results were in, but my doctor would need to review them and she’d have to call me back tomorrow.  My heart can’t take this.  Now I’m wondering if there’s bad news since my doctor needs to review the results. Ugh.  :\

Update:  I wrote this post yesterday afternoon.  I spoke to a nurse this morning and all is well with Baby #2... AND I know baby's gender!!!

W is 20 Months old!!

Happy 20 months, W!

That scares me.  Mainly because I feel like I JUST wrote your 19 month update… and your 18 month update.  I don’t know where the time is going.

Unfortunately, 20 months is not off to a good start because you woke up with a cold.  But you seem to be in good spirits nonetheless.

In terms of development, we were a bit concerned about your speech.  We’re keeping a close eye on your progress over the next couple months.  But I’m happy to report you’ve added a few new words this month.  You started saying more and juice.  You’ve also said walk, house, button, Dee Dee (Addie) and a couple others words I don’t recall.  You also say mower, as in lawn mower, which sounds the same as “more”.  You’ve been repeating more words that Da and I say.  We’ve gotten a few suggestions from cousin Lindsey, who is a speech pathologist and we’ll continue to work with you.  I’m concerned about your speech, but not overly concerned.  Here’s why: you do seem a bit behind on verbal expression, BUT you excel in other areas.  Like comprehension.  You know so many words.  I’ll ask you to identify objects in books and around the house and you always point to the correct thing.  I think you even know some colors.  You also follow directions.  You make connections and understand relationships.  For instance, one of us will wear a striped shirt and you’ll point to it, then point to your striped rug.  You have no problem matching up puzzle pieces and completing all of your puzzles.  I also keep in mind that your Da and I aren’t the loudest people.  Ma always had teachers say she was quiet and “needed to come out of her shell” and I suspect Da was also pretty quiet in school (I may be wrong).  So I think part of the reason you’re not talkative is a personality trait.  Anyway, enough about that.

You LOVE trucks and we recently picked up a few more at a consignment sale.  You push them around the house and love to play with them on the daybed.  Not sure why.  Maybe you’re imagining you’re on a hill?  You also continue to love being outside and you and Da have spent many, many hours playing in the yard, going to the park, and taking walks.  You love “riding the horsey” on Ma and Da’s lap.  You love chips (Hands down, your favorite snack.  I give you a couple after dinner as a dessert.).  You’ve been “asking” to go to the pool lately by opening a photo album, finding a picture of Da in the pool, and repeatedly pointing to it.  We’ll try to make that happen before the pool closes.  And speaking of photo albums, you love looking at photos and do so almost every day.  You like to find Ma and Da – the toddler version of Where’s Waldo.  You also seem to love our house and your room.  You have much more space to run and play.  Da and I decided your big boy room would be sports themed.  You often wake up and point out the various baseballs, basketballs, footballs, etc. throughout your room.  I love that you love your room. J

Things that you don’t love lately include new foods.  I encouraged you to try pasta.  You touched it, shivered, then gagged.  You’re also not loving church lately.  I think our church friends jinxed us.  They mentioned how great and well behaved you always are.  Well since then, you’ve been getting restless towards the end of mass.  A couple weeks ago, you yelled “goal” and launched yourself off the pew a short time later.  That resulted in lots of tears.  You still hate diaper changes.  Especially the final one – I think you know bed time follows.  Lately, Da changes you and I read you a book.  That seems to be working for the time being.

All in all, we had a great month.  I was at my wits end previously because you were hitting and throwing things – often at poor Addie.  But you’ve gotten so much better.  It still happens, but not as often as it used to.  You’re such a sweet boy almost all the time and Da and I enjoy taking you out and about with us because you’re usually so well behaved.  You are our everything and more, little man!

Preparing for IVF #3 - May (Part 2)

5/21/2014 - Retrieval went well!  18 eggs retrieved.  I'm happy with that number.  The staff was great and I felt really good after it was over.  So good that I picked up a few groceries and went to lunch with A.  That's never happened before.  For past retrievals, I've been really sore and out of it afterwards.  By afternoon, though, I wasn't feeling great.  I was very sore and very tired.  Took a nap and felt better, but then got a headache.  Took my meds and Tylenol before bed and woke up feeling great... until I took my antibiotic.  They aren't kidding when they say take with food.  I thought I was going to be sick multiple times on my way to work.  Major nausea ensued  I forced myself to eat a little breakfast and drink some Coke (Coke always make my tummy feel better??) and I was totally fine.  Lesson learned.  Now I await the fertilization report - so so nervous.

5/22/2014 - I received the fertilization report yesterday.  I had 15 mature eggs and 11 were fertilized by ICSI.  So we have 11 embryos.  I was told we'd do a five day transfer.  I explained I was nervous because our embryos tend to stop developing on day 3.  I was told it was very unlikely that all 11 embryos would stop developing.  I then asked if they'd check the embryos on day 3 and if the embryos didn't look good, could we do a 3 or 4 day transfer.  I was told that the embryos wouldn't be checked until day 4 or 5 - that they tried to handle them as little as possible.  That makes sense, but I'm really nervous.  Last time we did a 5 day transfer, it didn't work.  What if we have no embryos by day 5?? :\

Also yesterday, I started PIO shots.  I think they may be the scariest thing yet.  I've never had to do them before.  I give all injections to myself, but this one I can't do since it has to be injected in the upper portion of the butt.  TMI??  It was awful.  The needle is big and it hurt.  And I hate not being able to give them myself.  I trust A, but if anyone is inflicting pain on me, it should be me!!  Hate them.  And I might've cried.  And I'm dreading having to do another tonight.  And for the next several days. :*(  On the bright side, worrying about the shot is keeping me from worrying about the embryos.

Yup, this sums it up: http://ourmisconception.blogspot.com/2012/11/ode-to-pio-shot.html#.U35nLSYo7cs

5/23/2014 - PIO shot went much better last night.  Here's a little hint if anyone has to do these.  Hold the vial for 10 minutes prior to injecting.  This helps the oil warm up and it becomes less viscous, which makes it easier to inject.  Rub the spot afterwards and use a heating pad.  Also, it could just be me, but the lower the injection is, the more it seems to hurt.

5/27/2014 - I didn't update over Memorial Day weekend so this is going to be a bit long.  I was super super nervous about the quality of our embryos.  Transfer was scheduled for Sunday, 5/25.  Saturday, 5/24, I was a nervous wreck.  The fertility clinic called our home phone 3 times.  Each time, my heart stopped and I was sure transfer was going to be cancelled because we had no remaining embryos.  Each time, however, the call was an automatic reminder of my upcoming appointment.  So annoying.  Then I missed a call from the clinic on my cell.  No message was left.  Again, I was super nervous, thinking the worst.  I wondered if they'd call Sunday morning with bad news.
Sunday eventually rolled around and no phone call.  A and I arrived at the clinic early.  My nurse checked that my bladder was full enough for transfer (so uncomfortable) and it wasn't.  I had to drink more.  I asked if all the preparations meant that we still had embryos.  She said yes.  I was relieved, but still nervous because I didn't know what state our embryos were in - if there were high quality or not.
The doctor eventually came in and showed me a picture of the embryos we were transferring - one larger, one smaller.  It was very similar to our first IVF experience and I was disappointed that the embryos didn't look a little better.  He told me none met freeze criteria.  Very, very disappointing.  Especially since this clinic is supposed to be so much better.  I don't understand why we never have embryos to freeze after starting out with so many.  Embarrassingly, I'm not even sure if the second embryo is considered a blast.  I believe it is an early blast.  I didn't ask - I just know that it was smaller.  IF it was in fact a blast, then that would actually be better than our first cycle.
So now we're in the 2 week wait.  Hoping for the best, but preparing for bad news.  I feel normal for the most part.  Of course I'm overanalyzing every little twinge, looking for signs.  My back is really sore where the PIO shots have been injected.  Honestly, I wish I felt bad - I would take that as a good sign. :)

5/29/2014 - OMG!!  I'm SO excited!!  We have FROZEN EMBRYOS.  When I went in for transfer, we were told that none met the criteria.  I just assumed that was that.  But the clinic watched them another day and it turns out, they continued to grow.  So we have two frozen embryos!!  I'm thrilled!!!

Weekend Recap and the end of summer

This is the week I dread every year.  The final week of summer vacation before A heads back to school.  But first things first…

We had an awesome weekend.  After feeling horrible on Thursday, I felt great on Friday.  So much so that I worked, cleaned, hung pictures, and attended a consignment sale.  It was amazing to have my energy back and I was going to take full advantage.  That night, A and I headed to the Melting Pot for my belated birthday dinner.  It’s my favorite restaurant and since we hadn’t been there in 2 years, it was even more fun/delicious/exciting.  Not to mention, we hardly ever go to dinner, just the two of us.  In fact, I can’t even remember the last time.  Anyway, it was delicious and I loved it.  The perfect birthday dinner.  Also, our waitress was fantastic.  I love you, Melting Pot. J

Saturday, I got a haircut and then we picked out a light fixture and shelving for the house.

Sunday was church, Starbucks, grocery shopping, and more work on the  house.  A rented a UHaul Van and emptied out our storage unit with the help of my mom.  A huge task checked off our to do list.  Downside was my love seat had water marks on it.  Not happy since we specifically paid for an indoor, temperature controlled unit so our furniture would be protected.  After scrubbing the cushion covers and washing them, they’re looking better, but still upset about this.  Oh, I also made a really yummy chicken and pasta dinner that night.  A nice ending to a great weekend.

We got so much done - I love that feeling of accomplishment and our house is looking better than ever. J

Now onto this week… The week I dread.  I’m spoiled during the summer.  A is home to care for W during the day, run errands as needed, and start dinner.  My mornings are much less hectic with A’s help.  It makes me smile every morning when A takes both Addie and W outside for a morning walk.  W often rides in his wagon, still wearing his pajamas, and brings along a sippy cup with juice and a ball (his equivalent of coffee and a newspaper).  It’s really cute.  They’re usually all getting started on breakfast when I leave for the day.

But all that comes to an end when A starts school.  I know it will be fine and we’ll get back into our busy routine, but the transition is always tough.  I’m trying to appreciate everything this week and enjoy every last bit of summer vacation.  I’m off to a bad start, though, because I forgot my computer this morning.  I got all the way to work only to realize my laptop was sitting on my bedside table.  Fail.  Luckily, A came to my rescue and dropped it off at work for me.  Another reminder of why it’s so nice to have him home.

One of THOSE days

I'm having one of THOSE days.  You know the ones.  Where the alarm goes off and you think you must have set it for the wrong time.  Then you finally get out of bed and would give your right arm to crawl back under the covers.  Yeah, one of those days.


I woke up not feeling well.  Very tired and very achy, despite getting my usual 7ish hours of sleep.  And I'm not talking a little tired and a little achy, but more substantial - like the flu.  Except I don't have the flu.  Maybe it means the babe is going through a growth spurt?  Or maybe I really didn't sleep well.  I don't know what's going on.


Anyway, I dragged myself to work and since I arrived, it's been one thing after another.   I know these little annoyances are nothing, but since I feel terrible, they seem much more significant.  Like not being cc'ed on important project emails.  I should probably be up to date and informed on MY project, no?  Answering the same questions over and over (I just told you yesterday!).  Then there's this summit in October for the document management system we use.  The document management system that I know better than anyone.  And I'm not just saying that to "toot my own horn".  I designed the system, I answer all system related questions, I work with technical experts to make enhancements and improvements.  And everyone knows that I KNOW this system.  I even have a crown with the system name (true story).  So imagine my frustration when my former boss told me he'd be attending the summit and I didn't get an invite.  The best part is, I don't really want to go.  Traveling is tough on W, tough on A, and tough when I'll be 6 months pregnant.  But to not even be asked is upsetting - and maybe even a little a lot insulting.  If anyone is going, it should be ME.  And then, the other pregnant lady in the office walks by (I didn't even know she was pregnant until today).  This lady is 7 months pregnant and smaller than me and she starts talking about how huge she feels. Really?  Just shut up.


So yeah, one of those days.  Perhaps ice cream is in my future...

Preparing for IVF #3 - May (Part 1)

5/1/2014 - This week has been particularly tough.  One of my good friends suffered a brain hemorrhage on Tuesday.  Thank God he remains stable.  Then Wednesday brought the news that my RE will be out of town while I'm in the middle of IVF.  I cried yesterday while talking to A about everything.  I also talked to a friend about the IVF situation.  I purposely don't tell anyone when we're going through IVF - it's a personal journey and it puts less pressure on me.  But I'm glad I confided in my friend.  She was so supportive and I'm thankful she called me to talk through everything.  She has two little ones - 1 and 2 years old so I know how incredibly busy she is.  It means a lot to me that she took time out of her day to listen to me vent.  She and A brought up some very good points.  She told me if my gut was telling me to postpone IVF, then I should definitely wait.  An excellent point since I always give people the same advice. :)  Honestly, I don't feel in my heart that we should wait.  Everything is set - medications are in hand; all procedures are complete; I've been on birth control in preparation for this IVF cycle.  For the most part, I feel ready.  Both she and A pointed out that my doctor will oversee the protocol and will be there for transfer.  The lab will be responsible for fertilization and monitoring the growth of our embryos.  So the only thing the new doctor will be responsible for (assuming all goes according to plan) is the retrieval.  And in my previous two IVFs, retrieval has always gone smoothly.  So we'll go ahead with our IVF plans.  I'm still really disappointed and frustrated.   I'm frustrated that the doctor is going to be gone 5 days.  Why did those days have to fall during MY cycle?  And to be completely honest, I'm wondering/worried that these happenings are signs that I should wait on IVF. But then again, is there ever a perfect time?  No.

5/6/2014 - Baseline ultrasound and blood draw complete.  I have a total of 29 antral follicles.  Plan is to start injections on Saturday (5/10/14).  I won't receive instructions until Friday, which seems weird to me.  I'll have to bring my meds to San Fran - hope the TSA doesn't give me a hard time.  And I'm not exactly sure what meds to bring. :\  Also, I started on low dose aspirin and prenatal vitamins.

5/7/2014 - I was super nervous about taking injectable medication on the airplane.  I had a doctor's note, but was still preparing for the worst while going through security.  I had images of being detained and patted down.  The process could not have gone smoother.  No questions asked.  Easy.

5/10/2014 - Started injections!!!  I didn't hear from my nurse until today and I was freaking.the.heck.out.  I am a planner.  I wanted to know ahead of time what exactly my protocol entailed.  Waiting until the last minute had me super worried - I thought something was wrong.  ANYWAY.  I'm starting with 300 iu of follistim.  That's all for now.  Making the injection was strange.  I pointed the needle at my tummy and said something along the lines of "I can't believe we're doing this again".  I had a very brief moment of panic... one that comes with preparing to stick a needle in one's self.  It's just unnatural.  But it all went smoothly.  Here we go again.

5/11/2014 - 300 iu of follistim

5/12/2014 - Went in for blood work.  Was told to do 300 iu follistim and 7 units of low dose HCG.  The HCG injection really hurt.  The needle seems bigger.  Ouch.

5/13/2014 - 300 iu of follistim and 7 units of low dose HCG.  Feeling a bit bloated and sore (already?!?!?  I don't remember feeling this way so soon).  HCG didn't seem to hurt as much.

5/14/2014 - Went in for blood work and ultrasound today.  It took FOREVER.  I was there an hour - 30 minutes in the waiting room.  Uggh.  I'm frustrated.  I HATE being late for work.  I haven't told anyone about IVF and I just feel like an unprofessional slacker.  Anyway, all continues to look good - well, except for my arms and tummy which are all bruised.  Tonight, I'll be injecting 450 iu of follistim and 9 units of low dose HCG.

5/15/2014 - 450 iu of follistim, 9 units of low dose HCG, Ganirelix at 10pm.  Also, the medications are making me super emotional. :\  I've always been a bit emotional, but I tear up so easily.  And yesterday I got the overwhelming feeling that this round isn't going to work.  Holy hormones!!  I'm telling myself to be positive and take things one day at a time.

5/16/2014 - Went in for more blood work and ultrasound.  Luckily, I got there early and it didn't take as long.  Things are moving along.  The nurse told me retrieval would be early next week.  Feeling better and less emotional today!  Tonight I'm doing 400 iu follistim, 9 units of low dose HCG, Ganirelix at 10pm.  I was also told my follicle count - I have 3 times as many follicles on my left ovary.  Not sure if that's normal?  Left ovary: 15mm - 1, 14mm - 1, 13mm - 1, 12mm - 3, 11mm - 2, <10mm - several.  Right ovary: 14mm - 1, 12mm - 1, 9mm - 1, <10mm - 4.

5/17/2014 - 400 iu follistim, 9 units of low dose HCG, Ganirelix at 10 pm.  Feeling pretty good!

5/18/2014 - Went in for blood work and ultrasound.  My poor arm really hurts, but otherwise I feel really good.  Not sure if that's a bad sign?  Previously I was bloated and uncomfortable at this point.  Received a phone call from my nurse.  I was told to do one final injection of Follistim - 300 iu and do the HCG trigger at 9 pm.  Retrieval is scheduled for Tuesday 5/20!!!!  A little excited, but nervous!

14 Weeks with Baby #2!

I've seen lots of people do these and it seemed like a fun way to document this pregnancy...



How far along? 14 weeks

Size? Baby is the size of a lemon.

Maternity Clothes? Oh yes.  I've been in maternity pants for awhile.  Mixing maternity tops with regular tops.

Weight Gain? 5 pounds maybe?

Gender? Thinking boy.

Sleep? Really good until recently.  I was sleeping like a rock - minutes after my head hit the pillow, I was sound asleep, but lately I've been having disturbing dreams. :\

Movement? Yes!  I'm certain I felt baby last night while laying down and I loved it!

Food Cravings? I could really go for Pizza Hut cheese pizza and Coke (how terrible is that - lol).

Labor signs? Way too early.

What I Miss? Chicago style hot dogs and deli sandwiches.

Symptoms? Finally getting my energy back, but having lower back pain, a bit of nausea every now and then, and headaches.

Happy or Moody? Happy!

Best Moment of the Week? W making progress with his speech, working on the house, everyone finding out about baby #2 (and by everyone, I mean people who don't see me often - because if you've seen me, it's obvious. :)).

Looking forward to? Finding out baby's gender (confirming he's a he ;)).

Preparing for IVF #3 - April

4/8/2014 - Starting on the birth control pill tonight.  I was hoping to avoid this, but I know it's standard practice.  (Sidenote: when listening to messages from the fertility center, make sure your phone is NOT on speaker.  OMG.  The whole office almost heard I'd be starting on birth control tonight - caught it just in time!)

4/9/2014 - I'm stressed and exhausted.  I couldn't sleep last night.  I talked to the IVF nurse this morning (again).  Hysteroscopy is scheduled for next week.  I have to miss work because they don't have early appointments.  I hate missing work.  Baseline ultrasound is scheduled for early May.  I'll only be taking two days off the birth control pill and I expressed that I was nervous about how my body would respond.  The nurse tried to tell me it would be ok and the doctor knew what he was doing.  I'm just overwhelmed. :(  Meanwhile we need to figure out how to get A's frozen sperm to the clinic... and that's going to cost a pretty penny.  And also, I had to explain for the hundredth time why we weren't using a fresh sample from A.  I'd like to give the nurse the benefit of the doubt and assume she knew why, but temporarily forgot.... But this is one of the MAIN reasons I left the first clinic.  I had to explain our situation over and over.  I'm so frustrated.  If A could provide a fresh sample, we wouldn't need IVF.  Duh!!  I could cry...

4/10/2014 - I'm starting to get really nervous and anxious.  I can't help thinking what if this round fails.  How will I deal with that?  When IVF isn't successful, it's devastating.  It's incredibly painful.  Insurance only covers 2 rounds.  What happens if they both fail?  Will I be able to accept that?  I used to hear of people dealing with secondary infertility or going through additional rounds of IVF after having a child and I would think, well, at least they already have one child.  God has blessed me with the most incredible gift I've ever been given.  And sometimes I feel selfish for wanting another child.  But I also feel in my heart that my family is not complete.  I want to be in the right state of mind for this next round of IVF.  For me that means being calm, at peace, hopeful, but realistic.  I'm not there yet.  Hopefully I will be in a month.   One month and I start injections.  Eek.  My giant box of medications arrived yesterday.  Double eek.  Also, my sweet husband brought me flowers yesterday.  He knows just how to cheer a girl up. :)

4/17/2014 - I had the hysteroscopy yesterday.  I was dreading this.  The last time I had it performed, it was extremely uncomfortable and took forever.  Last time, the scope/tubing/whatever it's called could not be properly placed despite several attempts by the doctor, I had to fill my bladder, and finally an hour later, it worked.  It was miserable.  This time around, it was more painful than I remember - ouch.  But it was over with in minutes.  Despite the uncomfortable procedure, the appointment made me feel good for several reasons.  First and foremost, the results of the hysteroscopy were great.  Everything looked normal and when it was over, the doctor said, "ok, let's have a baby".  I try very hard to not get my hopes up, but I like his optimism.  I have a nurse!  My own nurse.  At the previous clinic, I was never assigned a nurse, I never had any idea who I was talking to.  Whoever was on duty that particular day, was my nurse.  Not so at the new clinic.  I talk, email, and see my actual nurse.  I can't tell you how comforting this is.  The clinic is so much more visually appealing and up to date.  The previous clinic had retrieval waiting areas that consisted of a curtain over a stall.  It was horrible.  The new clinic is completely different - actual modern rooms - with a door.  No matter what happens with this cycle, this is the right clinic for me.  The nurse also showed me how to use every last drop of medication in the syringes I'll be using.  The old clinic never told me this and I discarded quite a bit of very pricey medicine.  May is fast approaching.

4/23/2014 - Who knew transferring A's frozen sperm from the storage facility to the clinic (about 30 minutes away) would be such a hassle?!?  Certainly not me.  I feel like both A and I have been on the phone or answering emails from the clinic and facility constantly.  To be honest, I'm really tired of it.  I'm tired of trying to return phone calls while at work.  I think we finally have a plan.  At first I thought the clinic was going to charge us about $1200 and the storage facility was going to charge another $200+.  That seemed insane.  It looks like the total is still going to be around $600+, but it's better than the initial estimates.  We're saving money by transporting the sample ourselves and as long as I return the tank to the clinic, we won't be charged the $500 tank fee.  So in order to transfer the samples, A has to complete paperwork and have it notarized.  I'll pick up the tank from the clinic, head over to the storage facility, take care of all the fees there, and then return the samples and tank to the clinic.  That's the plan anyway.  Oh and I'll be missing work while I complete this little adventure.  Not at all happy about that.  Can't wait until this task is done!

4/24/2014 - I've been thinking a lot about my hopes and goals for this cycle.  Obviously, I hope several high quality eggs are retrieved and fertilized.  I hope my body responds well to the medications.  I hope this cycle results in a healthy pregnancy.  I hope all goes smoothly.  But I really really hope we have embryos left on day 5 that are able to be frozen.  We've never been able to achieve this.  And it's really discouraging.  After each of the first 2 cycles, I knew 5 days after retrieval that FET would not be an option.  I knew that if I got a BFN, I'd have to do IVF all over again.  It's heartbreaking to have 12 embryos on day 1 and 0 on day 5.  If it doesn't happen, then I'll deal with it as I have the previous 2 times.  But if it does happen, it will be a huge relief, a new, uplifting experience.

4/25/2014 - The eagle has landed... or something like that.  Is that a line from a movie?  Regardless, the sperm have made it to their new home.  It was a bit chaotic and A had to come save me.  I picked up the tank from the clinic around 8:30am.  I was expecting something the size of a thermos.  Umm... not even close.  The tank was huge and heavy.  I frantically texted A saying I wasn't sure how I was going to carry that damn thing to the storage facility.  The storage facility is located within a hospital - a hospital with a large parking lot and several suites and I had no idea where in the hospital suite B200 was.  My awesome husband came to my rescue.  He left work and met me at the hospital and carried the tank for me.  We eventually found the correct suite and it was smooth sailing from there.  And we got a bit of good news - we thought there were 3 vials of sperm, but it turned out there are 4 (I blame the less than stellar records at our original clinic).  Being back at the hospital where we had our first 2 IVFs was strange.  I left with the feeling that I am most definitely at the right clinic now.

4/30/2014 - I received a call from my nurse and she told me that she found out my doctor has to be out of town 5/17-5/22.  I'm very upset and disappointed.  I chose this clinic based on this doctor.  I've only met this doctor.  I'm scheduled to begin injections in ten days.  My retrieval is targeted for 5/18.  So it is likely that a different doctor will perform the retrieval.  I'm upset, frustrated, and everything else.  I don't know what to do.

Preparing for IVF #3 - March

3/3/2014 – Talked to IVF nurse.  Originally I was excited about IVF because it meant the possibility of another baby.  But talking to the IVF nurse was a major reality check.  She started talking about all the procedures to be done prior to beginning IVF including a saline sonogram.  For me it’s a relatively uncomfortable procedure and it didn’t occur to me that I’d have to have one with this IVF round.  Now I’m just nervous/upset/emotional.  I think I temporarily blocked out all of the negative parts of IVF and now they’re hitting me hard… injections, monitoring, blood draws, ugh.   Anyway, right now we’re shooting for injections to begin around May 10 and a May 18 retrieval date.  Eek!

3/11/2014 - Talked to IVF nurse again.  I'm going in for blood work tomorrow.  Silly me forgot I had a meeting scheduled for the same time.  Crap.  Oh how I seem to have forgotten all of the planning involved.  IVF round 3 is starting to seem more real!

3/12/2014 - Went in for blood draw.  7 vials were collected. 7!!  Holy moly.  But I have to say, the nurse was awesome.  It didn't hurt at all.  That's a rarity for me.  Initial results all came back normal.  Yay!

3/19/2014 - Additional testing shows my vitamin D is low and I'm not immune to rubella?  Umm... ok?  It's been ages since I've received the MMR vaccine, but if I'm not immune to rubella then how am I immune to measles and mumps?  Anyway, I have to get the vaccine and a vitamin D supplement.  In a way I'm glad our new clinic is so on top of things.  Some studies suggest that low vitamin D is linked to infertility and contracting rubella during pregnancy can result in birth defects or miscarriage.  But on the other hand, now I have to get myself to a Walgreens Take Care Clinic and get vaccinated... boo.  Yes, I suck for not having a primary care doctor.  If I had one, I'd go there.  Long story short, because I worked in the lab for several years, I had to get an annual physical, which was done at my place of work.  Good enough.  I didn't really need a doctor except for those few times I got sick and needed an antibiotic.  I even had an EKG, chest x-ray, all kinds of crazy tests during my exam for work... thank you potent active pharmaceutical ingredients for requiring extremely thorough exams.  So now that I'm out of the lab (thank God), no more yearly exams.

3/27/2014 - I started taking the vitamin D supplement over the weekend and got my MMR vaccine yesterday.  I went to the Take Care Clinic for the vaccine.  I tend to have a very negative view of these types of places and started judging as soon as I arrived.  I even texted A and told him I thought it was going to take forever, that I didn't want to be there, that I really should find a primary care doctor, blah blah blah.  But the nurse practitioner could not have been nicer.  She even wished me luck with IVF.  So I left feeling pretty sheepish and also a tad excited/hopeful.  The ups and downs of IVF have already begun.

One Year Later

I started this blog just over a year ago – one year and one day ago to be exact.  It’s been a great way for me to record my thoughts, opinions, and experiences along with W’s activities and milestones.  I’ve had fun looking back at previous entries… and laughing at the randomness.  There was really no pattern to my entries – I talked about W, our adventures, fashion, and some favorite finds.  But that’s me – a little bit of everything.  In a year, I’ve acquired one follower – myself.  Haha!!  And I’m fine with that.  I started this blog for me, but I also hoped to provide some insight on having a spouse with CF and surviving the IVF process in case anyone else was in a similar situation.  I think I accomplished that.  So I’ll continue to blog and document life.  It’s been a fun year. J  And maybe one of these days, I’ll actually work on blog design and formatting. ;)

So Many Questions

The questions, oh the questions…

 

How is this pregnancy compared to your first?  Relatively similar.  I think I’ve been more nauseous and achy this time around.  I’m tired all the time and dare I say a bit moodier (sorry hubs), but I really can’t complain.  It’s definitely harder being pregnant and having a toddler because there’s never time to relax.  With my first pregnancy, I was able to get home from work, lay on the couch, watch tv, and go to bed early.  Not so this time around!

Do you have any cravings?  Not really.  I mean sure, there are things that sound yummy, but I’m not oh.my.gosh.I.need.it.now.  I can’t turn down sweets and not a day goes by where I don’t have a few jelly beans or a couple gummy bears.  But I wouldn’t call that a craving… it’s more like dessert.

Are you having twins?  Umm, no.  Thanks for asking.  I’m definitely showing a lot earlier this time around – that’s normal with the second pregnancy thankyouverymuch.

Do you think baby is a boy or a girl?  Because this pregnancy has been similar to my first, my belly looks the same, and my husband’s family mainly produces boys, I think this baby is another boy.  I was right about W and I expect to be right this time. ;)

Also, my sister in law is pregnant with a boy and so is A’s cousin.  We’re all due within 3 months.  It just seems inevitable that we’ll complete the trifecta and add a third boy.  And finally, A’s mom predicted boy and I don’t think she’s ever been wrong.  So there you have it, it’s a boy. :)

Will you find out the gender?  Absolutely.  I like to be able to plan the nursery, choose a name, and all that fun stuff before baby arrives.  I want to be able to tell W if a brother or sister is on the way (not that he’ll know the difference).  It’s still a surprise when we find out, it’s just an earlier surprise and I’m all for that!!

Do you have a preference (regarding gender)?  This question bugs me, but I know people mean no harm.  I do NOT have any preference whatsoever and I think having a preference is a little selfish.  I’m simply grateful that this round of IVF worked.  I’m thankful this baby continues to grow and appears healthy.  I try not to get too religious on the blog since religion is very personal, but I believe God chose THIS baby for me and who am I to question His choice.  Also, there are perks to both.  A boy would be great because W would have a little brother to play with and I’d get to re-use all those adorable boy clothes.  Not to mention, W is the sweetest boy ever.  A girl would be fun because it’d be different and I’d get to experience a mother-daughter relationship… and dresses!

If you have another boy, will you try again for a girl?  I HATE this question and I actually find it offensive.  It implies that if I had two boys, they somehow wouldn’t be good enough and my family wouldn’t be complete without a girl.  There’s no guarantee we’d ever have a girl no matter how many times we “tried”.  If we try again, it will be because we’d like another child and not because we want a specific gender.  I honestly don’t think I’ll go through another round of IVF.  We have two frozen embryos.  If we tried for another baby with those and neither took, I’m fairly certain we would not take any further steps to have more children.

Will you have another C-section?  I’m not sure.  My OB wanted me to think about the options – C-section vs. VBAC.  I’m trying to keep an open mind and I really have no idea which option I will pursue.  I had a very positive experience with my C-section.  Some women have very strong opinions regarding one option or the other and I’m not one of them.  I’m also not interested in hearing those opinions.  This will be a personal decision.

Have you chosen a name?  No.  And if we do decide, I’m not tellin’ anyone! :)  I will say we have the same taste and tend to agree on girls names.  I definitely have a favorite in mind and I think A likes it too.  We do not agree on boys names and will have a hard time choosing one.

A Big Announcement

Since it’s birthday week, I wanted to share some special news….

I went through a third round of IVF in May.  I kept sort of a diary or timeline of appointments, procedures, and my thoughts along the way and I’ll share that throughout the next few weeks.  I started preparing for round three in March so it’s quite a lengthy sequence of events.  In short, I was really impressed with the new clinic and the care I received.

We are so excited, grateful, happy, thrilled, thankful, a bit nervous, and a host of other emotions. <3