Monday, August 11, 2014

Preparing for IVF #3 - April

4/8/2014 - Starting on the birth control pill tonight.  I was hoping to avoid this, but I know it's standard practice.  (Sidenote: when listening to messages from the fertility center, make sure your phone is NOT on speaker.  OMG.  The whole office almost heard I'd be starting on birth control tonight - caught it just in time!)

4/9/2014 - I'm stressed and exhausted.  I couldn't sleep last night.  I talked to the IVF nurse this morning (again).  Hysteroscopy is scheduled for next week.  I have to miss work because they don't have early appointments.  I hate missing work.  Baseline ultrasound is scheduled for early May.  I'll only be taking two days off the birth control pill and I expressed that I was nervous about how my body would respond.  The nurse tried to tell me it would be ok and the doctor knew what he was doing.  I'm just overwhelmed. :(  Meanwhile we need to figure out how to get A's frozen sperm to the clinic... and that's going to cost a pretty penny.  And also, I had to explain for the hundredth time why we weren't using a fresh sample from A.  I'd like to give the nurse the benefit of the doubt and assume she knew why, but temporarily forgot.... But this is one of the MAIN reasons I left the first clinic.  I had to explain our situation over and over.  I'm so frustrated.  If A could provide a fresh sample, we wouldn't need IVF.  Duh!!  I could cry...

4/10/2014 - I'm starting to get really nervous and anxious.  I can't help thinking what if this round fails.  How will I deal with that?  When IVF isn't successful, it's devastating.  It's incredibly painful.  Insurance only covers 2 rounds.  What happens if they both fail?  Will I be able to accept that?  I used to hear of people dealing with secondary infertility or going through additional rounds of IVF after having a child and I would think, well, at least they already have one child.  God has blessed me with the most incredible gift I've ever been given.  And sometimes I feel selfish for wanting another child.  But I also feel in my heart that my family is not complete.  I want to be in the right state of mind for this next round of IVF.  For me that means being calm, at peace, hopeful, but realistic.  I'm not there yet.  Hopefully I will be in a month.   One month and I start injections.  Eek.  My giant box of medications arrived yesterday.  Double eek.  Also, my sweet husband brought me flowers yesterday.  He knows just how to cheer a girl up. :)

4/17/2014 - I had the hysteroscopy yesterday.  I was dreading this.  The last time I had it performed, it was extremely uncomfortable and took forever.  Last time, the scope/tubing/whatever it's called could not be properly placed despite several attempts by the doctor, I had to fill my bladder, and finally an hour later, it worked.  It was miserable.  This time around, it was more painful than I remember - ouch.  But it was over with in minutes.  Despite the uncomfortable procedure, the appointment made me feel good for several reasons.  First and foremost, the results of the hysteroscopy were great.  Everything looked normal and when it was over, the doctor said, "ok, let's have a baby".  I try very hard to not get my hopes up, but I like his optimism.  I have a nurse!  My own nurse.  At the previous clinic, I was never assigned a nurse, I never had any idea who I was talking to.  Whoever was on duty that particular day, was my nurse.  Not so at the new clinic.  I talk, email, and see my actual nurse.  I can't tell you how comforting this is.  The clinic is so much more visually appealing and up to date.  The previous clinic had retrieval waiting areas that consisted of a curtain over a stall.  It was horrible.  The new clinic is completely different - actual modern rooms - with a door.  No matter what happens with this cycle, this is the right clinic for me.  The nurse also showed me how to use every last drop of medication in the syringes I'll be using.  The old clinic never told me this and I discarded quite a bit of very pricey medicine.  May is fast approaching.

4/23/2014 - Who knew transferring A's frozen sperm from the storage facility to the clinic (about 30 minutes away) would be such a hassle?!?  Certainly not me.  I feel like both A and I have been on the phone or answering emails from the clinic and facility constantly.  To be honest, I'm really tired of it.  I'm tired of trying to return phone calls while at work.  I think we finally have a plan.  At first I thought the clinic was going to charge us about $1200 and the storage facility was going to charge another $200+.  That seemed insane.  It looks like the total is still going to be around $600+, but it's better than the initial estimates.  We're saving money by transporting the sample ourselves and as long as I return the tank to the clinic, we won't be charged the $500 tank fee.  So in order to transfer the samples, A has to complete paperwork and have it notarized.  I'll pick up the tank from the clinic, head over to the storage facility, take care of all the fees there, and then return the samples and tank to the clinic.  That's the plan anyway.  Oh and I'll be missing work while I complete this little adventure.  Not at all happy about that.  Can't wait until this task is done!

4/24/2014 - I've been thinking a lot about my hopes and goals for this cycle.  Obviously, I hope several high quality eggs are retrieved and fertilized.  I hope my body responds well to the medications.  I hope this cycle results in a healthy pregnancy.  I hope all goes smoothly.  But I really really hope we have embryos left on day 5 that are able to be frozen.  We've never been able to achieve this.  And it's really discouraging.  After each of the first 2 cycles, I knew 5 days after retrieval that FET would not be an option.  I knew that if I got a BFN, I'd have to do IVF all over again.  It's heartbreaking to have 12 embryos on day 1 and 0 on day 5.  If it doesn't happen, then I'll deal with it as I have the previous 2 times.  But if it does happen, it will be a huge relief, a new, uplifting experience.

4/25/2014 - The eagle has landed... or something like that.  Is that a line from a movie?  Regardless, the sperm have made it to their new home.  It was a bit chaotic and A had to come save me.  I picked up the tank from the clinic around 8:30am.  I was expecting something the size of a thermos.  Umm... not even close.  The tank was huge and heavy.  I frantically texted A saying I wasn't sure how I was going to carry that damn thing to the storage facility.  The storage facility is located within a hospital - a hospital with a large parking lot and several suites and I had no idea where in the hospital suite B200 was.  My awesome husband came to my rescue.  He left work and met me at the hospital and carried the tank for me.  We eventually found the correct suite and it was smooth sailing from there.  And we got a bit of good news - we thought there were 3 vials of sperm, but it turned out there are 4 (I blame the less than stellar records at our original clinic).  Being back at the hospital where we had our first 2 IVFs was strange.  I left with the feeling that I am most definitely at the right clinic now.

4/30/2014 - I received a call from my nurse and she told me that she found out my doctor has to be out of town 5/17-5/22.  I'm very upset and disappointed.  I chose this clinic based on this doctor.  I've only met this doctor.  I'm scheduled to begin injections in ten days.  My retrieval is targeted for 5/18.  So it is likely that a different doctor will perform the retrieval.  I'm upset, frustrated, and everything else.  I don't know what to do.

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