Monday, August 12, 2013

IVF Blahs

I had lunch with two of my most favorite people last week.  Close friends who I knew separately at first.  They eventually started dating and became engaged on Christmas Eve.  During lunch, they revealed that they were expecting a baby.  I was so surprised (usually I see these things coming) and I’m beyond happy for them.  No, I’m more than happy… ecstatic, overjoyed, thrilled, elated doesn’t even begin to describe how excited I am for them.  I love them both.  But as excited as I am for them, it's a reminder of what I’ll never experience and it makes me a tiny bit sad.  I wish hubs and I could have a baby the old fashioned way – sans 30ish shots in the tummy, too many blood draws to count, countless trips to and from the clinic, bruises all over my arms and tummy, uncomfortable procedures, a cocktail of medications… but it will never happen and that makes me sad.  It’s hard to accept.  I’d love to be able to experience that hope and excitement of peeing on a stick without having to do all the yucky IVF stuff first.  It’d be amazing to know that it was even POSSIBLE to experience a natural pregnancy.  I don’t like the word ‘impossible’, but for us, a baby without IVF is just that.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m so thankful that IVF exists and I’m incredibly grateful we were able to experience a successful IVF, which resulted in our miracle baby.  But the process is still difficult… knowing I’ll have to go through the process all over again if we want another baby is difficult.  And after going through all the physical stress that accompanies IVF, the emotional stress is a million times worse (at least for me).  The dreaded two week wait, the heartbreak and agony when IVF doesn’t work, the financial burden.  It’s just plain hard.  Anyone who’s gone through IVF is awesome in my book.

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