This isn’t the post I intended to share today.
It’s been a bit of a rough week. I actually cried last night because I just felt overwhelmed (and tired), but afterwards, I felt so much better (pregnancy hormones perhaps). Sometimes I just need to get everything on my mind out in the open so it doesn’t remain bottled up. A listened, we talked, I felt relieved.
I explained to A that mornings have been extremely stressful lately and that sets a precedence for the rest of my day. With so many challenging mornings, it’s been a long, tough week. W is very needy in the mornings. I don’t mean that to sound so negative, but he constantly wants to be picked up and held. It’s just not possible when A and I both need to get ready for work. A offered to change up his schedule a bit – something so simple as showering before breakfast (instead of after) made a huge difference this morning. I should also mention that because W has been getting up so early and wants attention, I’ve been leaving for work and arriving to work way later than usual. Luckily, my work schedule is somewhat flexible, but it means I’m staying later. So stressful morning + an extra-long work day was resulting in lots of frustration and exhaustion. Hopefully the new routine will help.
I’ve also been stressed about finances. We had to pay our first mortgage payment this month for the new house. Obviously I knew about it ahead of time and knew the amount, but knowing and actually paying are different things. We’ve also paid for a lot of house related items, home improvement type things (shelving, curtains, light fixtures, etc.) and décor. Again, of course I knew about these, we budgeted for them, but seeing the money actually leave the account was a little overwhelming.
Also worth mentioning, W has not been sleeping well. A and I are both exhausted. It’s frustrating because I don’t know why he can’t stay asleep, but I do know he’s sleep deprived. He woken up every night for at least 5 of the past 6 nights. He seems congested during the night, but fine during the day. Not sure if he has a cold or is getting his 2 year molars. Naps have been short and he also wakes for the day 1 hour – 30 minutes earlier than usual. He’s got to be exhausted. Surprisingly, he hasn’t been that cranky during the day?? And I know it’s a very controversial subject, but I’m just not a proponent of ‘cry it out’. Some moms are and I totally understand why. Children need to learn to self soothe. I get it. But I also know that W doesn’t really have an item that comforts him. Some little ones are attached to blankets, pacifiers, stuffed animals, their thumb. W isn’t attached to anything… which is actually great since that means we won’t have to break him of any bad habits. But it occurred to me that maybe A and I are his “security blanket”. When he cries in the night, he needs to be comforted and I’m not comfortable letting him continue to cry and cry. Just my own thoughts/opinions – no judgment on anyone who practices cry it out because duh, who wouldn’t want to sleep? And if this cycle continues, I may change my mind on the whole cry it out method. Good thing he's so darn cute!!
And finally, my heart has been heavy this week. A friend from high school lost her battle with cervical cancer. She was recently admitted to the hospital with stomach pain where she learned that her cancer had spread. Soon after, she was gone. She was a sweet person and I enjoyed sharing stories about our little ones and seeing pictures of her daughter. This hits especially close to home because we were the same age and our toddlers were the same age. I can’t help thinking how angry I would be if I was in her situation. And maybe she was, but she never expressed that. It’s not fair that she was taken from her wonderful husband and sweet daughter way too soon. It’s just not fair and I don’t understand it.
So that’s my week thus far. :\ But tomorrow is Friday. A new day. And soon, we’ll be on to a new week.